Tainted Love Lane

MOVING!!

2011-08-24T14:21:00.000-04:00

Attention people of my blog. This blog is being moved to a new site. Please follow me here instead!

-Much loves!
Neby

http://punklolitadreams.tumblr.com/

Japan Day ;)

2011-05-23T13:22:00.001-04:00

It's been a while hasn't it. I am so sorry people but things in my life ave been moving at fast paste. So I will do my best to keep ypu guys updated as soon as possible.

~My Latest Update~
Ah, Japan Day. I very wonderful event that happens every year in New York for the past 5 years. I decided to go in full lolita complete with a pink wig and a black dress. I had to wear sneakers because it was cloudy and raining so heels were not a good choice. The event this year was small, but very calming for me. I loved the area and the people. I even saw one of my younger classmates. It was a fun day. I can't wait for next year!

WTF?

2011-04-15T21:05:00.000-04:00

I wonder if it's just me but how the heck did Isaiah get 72% of the votes in my poll. That means 8 of you out of the many who have voted believe that my best relationship was with Isaiah. Will someone please explain to me why the hell is Isaiah so popular even on my VERY OWN BLOG?!. People, he is not my boyfriend or husband or anything related to that. Actually, I'm kind of confused of what we are to be honest. But anyway, THAT IS SOOOOO WEIRD YOU GUYS!

60 Second Confession

2011-04-14T12:43:00.000-04:00

I adore the anime Degenki Daisy so much right now ;)

Sh*t My Friends Say

2011-04-13T09:45:00.000-04:00

"It says trash only, but my heart belongs there to."- Manuel 4/12/11 @ 5:01

"I love everything about her *sigh*."-Manuel 4/12/11 @ 5:48

"Really!? Now you want my love? (to Aliyah) -Yasmiry 4/12/11

"What am I talking about, No what are YOU talking about?"- Aliyah 4/12/11

"You guys are not on the low *whispers* whats the answer to #5?"-Eddie while we were taking a test to Aliyah and CJ

"Bold, Bald, same thing. They're both spelled B-O-L-D."- Karina

"Listen bitch.."-Eddie on a daily basis

Be Honest Baby

2011-04-12T13:50:00.000-04:00

BEFORE YOU READ, THIS SWITCH THE GENDER

(You're here tonight and I got to know
You wit me tonight and I got to know)

Trey Songz Talking:
Yo
It's just me and you tonight
And I'm at the point where
I don't ever wanna share you ever again
YUUUP
Does he do it, Does he do it, Does he do it
Does he do it, Does he do it, Does he do it (Do It)
Like I do it, Like I do it, Like I do it, Like I do it
Like I do it, Like I do it, Like I do it (Do It)

Verse 1 :
When you first showed me the kitten, girl you knew I was a freak (damn right)
You knew ya swag was gon` do somethin` to me
You keep tellin` me one day you his, then one day you want me
Won`t you stop all the pretendin` what the business gon` be
I`ve been promisin` you something more than jus` a couple weeks
Been rollin` round and jumpin` in and out bed
A real decisions what I need and girl it`s time for you to make it
And while ya takin` it look at me girl and tell me one thing

Chorus :
Does he do it, Does he do it, Does he do it
Does he do it, Does he do it, Does he do it (Do It)
Like I do it, Like I do it, Like I do it, Like I do it
Like I do it, Like I do it, Like I do it (Do It)
(When I do it I betcha he don't make you cum like I do) (2x)
You're here tonight and ii got to know
You wit me tonight and I got to know

Verse 2 :
When you be home
Do you sometimes get so

[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/does-he-do-it-lyrics-trey-songz.html ]

Frustrated cause he wanna stay too long
I`m missin` you callin on the batphone
Tryna see what tonight gon` here for
When you wit` him do sometimes kinda wish that it was us
Posted up in the kitchen you teachin` me how to cook
Then it pop off on the counter and we make alot of fuss
Then I take over the teachin and you know what I`ll do first

Chorus :
Does he do it, Does he do it, Does he do it
Does he do it, Does he do it, Does he do it (Do It)
Like I do it, Like I do it, Like I do it, Like I do it
Like I do it, Like I do it, Like I do it (Do It)
(When I do it I betcha he don't make you cum like I do) (2x)

Bridge:
Tell me do you like it, do you like the way I pull your hair
Tell me do you like it, do you like the way I go down there
Tell me do you like it, how I make you yell and scream out, yeah
Tell me don`t you like how I do it when you can`t catch your breath (Breath, Breath, Breath)

Chorus :
Does he do it, Does he do it, Does he do it
Do he play wit` ya hair
Does he do it, Does he do it, Does he do it (Do It)
Does he love you there
Like I do it, Like I do it, Like I do it, Like I do it
Do he spank you from the back
Like I do it, Like I do it, Like I do it (Do It)
Do he do it like that

Does he do it (6x)
Like I do it (6x)
(When I do it I betcha he don't make you cum like I do) (2x)

Don't Let Them (heart song chronicles)

2011-04-12T13:38:00.000-04:00

Say that you want me (yeah)
Say that you'll never leave me (yeah)
You gotta tell me you need me (yeah)
Don't let them take your love away (yeah)
(repeat 2x)

Some say that i am a fool to love you
And some say that i am too dumb to know what's right for me
But only i can live my life, and only i can feel my heart ache
I never claim to know everything but i know when your loves away
I can't sleep and i can't eat and i can't live and i can't breathe
So don't make a fool of me, just love me

Now they say that me loving you will hurt me
And they say it's a matter of time before you break my heart
But even when we're far apart i always feel that you are with me
I hope and pray almost everyday that our love never goes away
'cause i can't see where i would be without your love all over me
So don't make a fool of me just love me and say

[chorus] 2x

Baby your all, all that i need, need in my life, right here with me
[repeat 2x]

[chorus]

I Get Lonely Too

2011-03-29T12:36:00.000-04:00

[Drake - Verse 1]
Waited on you for so long
Too many days since January
I’m still sitting here alone
We shoulda did this already
said I gotta email today
kinda thought that you, forgot about me
but I wanna hit you back too say
just like you, I get lonely yoo

[Chorus]
Baby,
I could really get to know you
take my time and show you
don’t tell anybody what we do
when I get lonely

Take Me,
to another place where I’ll be
face to face, just you and me
with no rules, just like you
I get lonely too ooh ooh
hoo ooh hoh, hoo ooh hoh
just like you
I get lonely too ooh ooh
hoo ooh hoh
just like you
I get lonely

[Drake - Verse 2]
Waiting for us too get it on
ain’t gotta love to cost any
hope it ain’t like that for long
I’ll be your friend if you let me
don’t wanna come off strong
cuz too many people wanna get me
but you know I do what I gotta do
just like you, I get lonely yoo

[Chorus]
Baby,
I could really get to know you
take my time and show you
don’t tell anybody what we do
when I get lonely

Take Me,
to another place where I’ll be
face to face, just you and me
with no rules, just like you
I get lonely too ooh ooh
hoo ooh hoh, hoo ooh hoh
just like you
I get lonely too ooh ooh
hoo ooh hoo
just like you

I get lonely

[Bridge]
Hoh ooh hoh
Hoh ooh hoh
Hoh ooh hoh
just like you
I get lonely too
Hoh ooh hoh
Hoh ooh hoh
Hoh ooh hoh

[Chorus]
Baby,
I could really get to know you
take my time and show you
don’t tell anybody what we do
when I get lonely

Take Me,
to another place where I’ll be
face to face, just you and me
with no rules, just like you
I get lonely too ooh ooh
hoo ooh hoh, hoo ooh hoh
just like you
I get lonely too ooh ooh
hoo ooh hoh
just like you
I get lonely

I get lonely

just like you

Happy Anniversary

2011-03-29T12:31:00.000-04:00

Certain things in a person never really change. I often wonder why do I put myself in these situations when I'm the one that gets blamed and I'm the one who is seen as the bad guy. Last night I called Isaiah for our anniversary and honestly, I wish things could have gone better than they did. We argued like usual but it was sort of my fault that we argued. I only argue with him because it's the most I can get Isaiah to say anything to me. What made me upset was he blamed my mother for the reason our relationship went down the toilet. I played it off and acted like it was nothing but it always pisses me off when he talks bad about my mom. I mean that's the woman who has given birth and cared for me. She's only trying to raise me right however "psycho" it may seem at times. It got worst later on at night. We talked later on and what he said..... just like made me think "what the hell man?!" Isaiah just kept going on and on about how I didn't care that much about going to see him because I sold the plane ticket I had to visit him after we broke up. Also how it was my fault for leaving New York to go to North Carolina. I was forced by my dad to go but he didn't see it that way. Then he said that I play games and I lie a lot and that I had yet to show him how much of a woman I had claimed to have become at all to him. He just kept going and going and for a while, I was strong and I took every single punch he threw at me. And then... I don't know what happened but I slipped and there was a slight crack in my wall of blockage from my heart. My eyes started to drizzle. I tried once more to protect my heart with a small lie when he asked me "Are you crying?" even though I knew it wasn't going to work which it didn't. So I finally confessed why I was upset and the last thing I heard after several moments was:

"I'm sorry"

Strange how those words over the course of the 4 years of our relationship have fixed and created so much damage. Isaiah then started to fall asleep so I decided to call it a night. A felt myself split in two at that moment {n3bu!@ vs (1(1}. I asked myself "So do you still think this is worth saving or are you ready to walk away from this forever?" I answered "At this point, I'm not so confident as I was 4 years ago" Then I asked myself "Why?".... I replied "Things change...."

Updates on my life

2011-03-25T16:23:00.000-04:00

Jun:
According to Jun, he left me because some girl from his past had gotten pregnant by him and he didn't want to trouble me with the drama. Do I believe this? Not really. But hey, I reall don't care anymore. That door is closed finally.

Isaiah:
I have chose to not speak to Isaiah for a month to calm things down with his girlfriend and to get shit straight in my life. However, because our anniversary was coming up, I spoke to him once to be nice because I thought I should be nice and celebrate with him.

Darkness:
Darkness is trying his best to win me back because he wants to try us again. Good Luck.

Bestie:
Bestie is also trying to win my heart and have me as his own. Good luck to you bestie.

Why do I say good luck? Because I don't want to rush into a realtionship right now but if they can convice me otherwise then who knows.

Janet Jackson ft. Missy Elliott - Son Of A Gun

2011-03-18T19:56:00.000-04:00

I bet you think this song is about you :)

Fefe Dobson - Ghost

2011-03-18T19:50:00.000-04:00

Lily Allen - Smile [Lyrics]

2011-03-18T19:41:00.000-04:00

Missy Elliott - Teary eyed

2011-03-18T19:33:00.000-04:00

Three Days Grace - Pain

2011-03-18T06:49:00.000-04:00

Three Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You

2011-03-18T06:46:00.000-04:00

No, this isn't about Jun or Darkness,or Joe, or Hope

私はあなたがとてもを利用しています

2011-03-11T14:26:00.000-05:00

Jun dumped me. Not only did he dumped me but he was cheating on me. I know wow right? What kind of bullshit is that? But whatever. He can kiss my ass with his crippled self.

I should be much more angry than this but I can't be angry. He made it all better. Whenever I do fall, he catches me. Even when I don't expect him to. He's right there. I can fall and feel like "this time, I'm going to shatter." But I can never fall or crack or break because he's my net. My strong net that's always there even when someone else picks me up. He always there, just in case others let me slip. I thank you so much mi amor. I'm so glad that I have you there. As strange as people might think this is, I simply adore everything about you! Most of you are probably lost and wondering who I'm talking about. That's an easy question to answer. I-S-A-I-A-H. Even though we argue and bicker and fight, I know that he loves me so much. I know he cares and wants to see me happy. I guess you can say that this blog post is a shout out/thank you to Isaiah for picking me up when I fell. I can't wait till you come see me. Hurry your butt up already lol just kidding.

So anyway..... Thank You Isaiah, for everything.

Even though I'm already in love with you, I believe that this is the perfect song to go with this post:

I COULD FALL
By: SELENA

I could lose my heart tonight
If you don't turn and walk away
'Cause the way I feel I might
Lose control and let you stay
'Cause I could take you in my arms
And never let go

I could fall in love with you
I could fall in love with you

I could only wonder how
Touching you would make me feel
But if I take that chance right now
Tomorrow will you want me still?
So I should keep this to myself
And never let you know

I could fall in love with you
I could fall in love with you

And I know it's not right
[. From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/s/selena-lyrics/i-could-fall-in-love-lyrics.html .]
And I guess I should try to do what I should do
But I could fall in love
Fall in love with you
I could fall in love with you

Siempre estoy soñando en ti
Besandos mis labios, acariciando mi piel
Abrazandome con ansias locas
Imaginando que me amas
Cómo yo podria amarte a ti

So I should keep this to myself
And never let you know

I could fall in love with you
I could fall in love with you
I could fall in love
I could fall in love
With you...

If you can figure this out, then post me a comment what it says and I'll owe you BIG.

イザヤは私ので、気多くのあなたについてのすべてのものを崇拝する。私がこの記事を書きながら笑って停止することはできません。にもかかわらず、今私たちが一緒にされていない、私はいつでもあなたは私のすべてです覚えておいて欲しい。

Answers to Your Questions

2011-03-08T13:26:00.000-05:00

Q: Is Your Real Name Nebula?
A:Um, No its not. It's really like a nickname that I gave myself when I started dressing in Lolita which is a popular fashion in Japan. Also I just really LOVE that name.

Q:Are All The Characters In Your Blog Real?
A:Yes, they are real people. So are the events that happen in the blog. None of this stuff is made up. This is my real life.

Q:Which Relationship Was Your Best One In Your Opinion? Love Wise And Sex Wise?
A:Um, let's see, love wise I really liked my first shot with Isaiah because it was in my opinion the best I ever had that I was truly really happy. Sex wise.... I would say its a tie between Isaiah and Darkness.

Q:If You Can Change One Thing In Your Past, What Would It Be And Why?
A:I would change nothing because everything that has happened to me or because of me has made me who I am.

Send Me More! This was fun. Thank you to angle/shawn,joshua_6''7'', Anonymous, and Amy for your questions.

What Women Really Want

2011-03-05T14:19:00.000-05:00

Ask Away, Honest Play

2011-03-04T23:32:00.000-05:00

Let's play a game....
leave me a question and I'll answer honestly. Ask anything at all. Just leave it in the comment space and I'll reply no matter what it is or who its from.

Mint Condition - If You Love Me

2011-03-04T20:58:00.000-05:00

Love this song to death
it truly says all the words my heart feels. I Love You Mi Amor <3

Been Thinking About You

2011-03-02T09:58:00.000-05:00

So my mom decided that I couldn't take my phone with me to school today because it was not fully charged when she got home. Really? What can of bullshit reason is that. SMH

Well things for me have been quite hard to swallow. I look around my room and I start to think about everything that happened last year and I wonder just how much I've grown and how much I've changed. Maybe that's why so many people have left me because of the changes I have decided to make for myself. I'm not a little girl anymore. I can't do the things that little girls do. I'm a 17 year old woman who has a boyfriend and yet has so much unsolved issues with my ex that I wish I could just solve already so I can smile more often. Its funny because I wanted things to work out but they didn't. Looking back, I'm trying to understand was it my fault or was it his fault that things ended up they way they did. Or are we both to blame. My mom and Darkness believe that we are no good for each other. That I'm better off without him and that we were never meant to be. So why do I ~~have hard time believing that?~~ No, not a hard time but I don't believe that's true. My heart isn't giving me the vibe that they are trying to preach to me. I don't feel that it can't work out. I just don't know WHY it didn't work out.

The thing that comes to my mind no matter what I'm doing or who I'm with is: I still love you to the point that I wanted to REALLY works things out...so why didn't they?

Marvin Gaye - I Want You

2011-03-01T22:33:00.000-05:00

A true love song. Gotta love Marvin.

I Hope This Message Finds You Well...

2011-02-27T18:43:00.000-05:00

I guess it's easy to see that the people who have really gotten to know me, can see through me like glass. I can't quite understand why I hide how I really feel from those who I know will just see through my lies. But then again, I have learned that if I let certain people see how I feel, then it's just putting my heart on my sleeve. I mean would you open your arms and leave your chest open when someone is trying to shoot you? I try to hide myself away from you because I don't want you to know just how much I'm hurting. If I let this pain take control of my life, then I won't be able to live this life that my parents worked so hard to give me. I was given this second chance ~~to find someone to love me and treasure everything I am.~~ No I was given this chance because there's something that I was meant to do. I wasn't meant to die then if though I wanted to. I want you to be happy and smile everyday even if I can't be the one to make that happen.

Sorry, I think you caught me in a moment. But I guess when you've been in the situation that I'm in, you might have these horribly beautiful flashbacks to once was, all the loving moments where you were both happy and adored every single day that you each shared together. But then you see the pain, all the pain that you felt, that he felt. And it washes over the good and takes a hold of you and drags you down if you let it. Pain, playing the role of an eraser, trying to erase the good that you both created together. But if you let it erase everything, then you'll lose apart of you. But of course that's not always the case. You can hold on to everything that was good and bad even after you both went your own different ways to watch each other happy with other people. To everyone else, you smile and say "I'm happy for them" but when your alone, you feel that pain rush though you. You can try to hold it in for as long as you can so no one sees how badly it's truly affecting you. Only you know that it's killing you, it's hurting you, tearing you apart with every chance you have to face it. Sure you can hide your tears away from them and other people but secretly you wonder if the one who once held you close can see the truth.

When you feel almost like this:

And there are those days when you feel this:

And when you do try to move on to a new relationship:

Past:

Present:

Future:

Well I can't be too sure about the last one...but it's a guess

Happy Birthday Darkness/Grandma

2011-02-25T16:04:00.000-05:00

So today is Darkness's 18 birthday. Happy Birthday sweetie, I hope you enjoy it. It's also my grandmother's birthday. Happy birthday grandma!

I haven't heard from Isaiah since last night after voicing my thoughts to him. My friends have told me that I was setting him straight but I just think I was telling him what most have failed to. I wasn't being cruel at all, I just thought that he needed to have a lil bit of tough love in his diet. I hope that what I said sticks. I do want him to be happy and I do want to help him out. This is how those who love me help me understand what my true issues are. And though it hurt me to hear them say such things, they were true. I'm glad that they were honest with me as I would be honest with them.

Today is a pretty quite day. A cuddling day as Jun would put it. A day when you should get cozy and have a nice dinner. So that's exactly what I'm going to do. Ciao

The Hula Song

2011-02-23T03:45:00.000-05:00

What always makes me laugh :D

Never Forget You

2011-02-21T01:28:00.000-05:00

Because I'll love you forever....

First Love All Over Again

2011-02-20T20:20:00.000-05:00

So my best friend Eleme is the only person who knows me way better than most people. Which surprises me so much because we have only known each other for about 2 years. Yet there is no doubt that he can but a smile on my face. I love mt bestie so much. Even though he is deeply in love with me and dating someone else, he is always the person I run to when everything falls apart. I love you bestie <3 Jun always comes through no matter what the situation is. I loving being in his arms and feeling his love for me. His love makes me world feel a little better with ever chance I get to feel it. Being with him...it's like...hmm... it feel like falling in love the first time only I have been hurt so much and I have experienced so much pain so I'm so afraid that he'll hurt me too and I put my guard up so fast. But then he just holds my hand, pulls me close, and holds me close and kisses me. Or sometimes he won't even kiss me. He'll hold me and stroke my face and that's it. And then my guard goes down because he sends me this signal through his heart to my heart that tells me he loves me and he won't hurt me. And I let my myself melt into him and trust that he will be good to me. I really hope nothing goes wrong with this relationship. I can't....handle with anymore... never

HOTSTREETS She's A Sleep Machine- Special Dedication

2011-02-18T19:51:00.000-05:00

Panic! At The Disco: The Ballad Of Mona Lisa [OFFICIAL VIDEO]

2011-02-18T19:41:00.000-05:00

Trying to Calm Myself By Singing To You

2011-02-18T14:43:00.000-05:00

Hey over there

Please forgive me
If I'm coming on too strong
Hate to stare
But you're winning
And they're playing my favorite song

So come here
'Little closer
Wanna whisper in your ear
Make it clear
Little question
Wanna know just how you feel

If I said my heart was beating loud
If we could escape the crowd somehow
If I said I want your body now
Would you hold it against me

Cause you feel like paradise
And I need a vacation tonight
So if I said I want your body now
Would you hold it against me

Hey you might think
That I'm crazy
But you know I'm just your type
I might be 'little hazy
But you just cannot deny

There's a spark in between us
When we're dancing on the floor
I want more
Wanna see it
So I'm asking you tonight

If I said my heart was beating loud
If we could escape the crowd somehow

If I said I want your body now
Would you hold it against me

Cause you feel like paradise
And I need a vacation tonight
So if I said I want your body now
Would you hold it against me

[Spoken]
If I said I want your body
Would you hold It against me?

(Yeah) (Uh huh) (Oh)

Gimme something good
Don't wanna wait I want It now (na-na-now)
Pop It like a hood
And show me how you work It out

(Alright)

If I said my heart was beating loud

If I said I want your body now
Would you hold it against me

If I said my heart was beating loud
If we could escape the crowd somehow
If I said I want your body now
Would you hold it against me

Cause you feel like paradise
And I need a vacation tonight
So if I said I want your body now
Would you hold it against me

Release....

2011-02-17T12:33:00.000-05:00

Ugh, so many things to do and so little time. My brother is being an asshole for like no reason. I can't believe he had the nerve to ask my mother about the accident money that they received when my brother got ran over by that van about 13 years ago. My mother used that money so we could move down here and then we used some of the money to do whatever my brother wanted and he spent it on god knows what. I mean I don't remember I was fucking 4 years old in the first grade. He believes that somebody owes him something. Does he not realize that he is 21 years old who need to get a fucking job and hold down the fucking job and deal with reality. You're not a baby anymore. You do not need to be spoon fed. STOP BEING A FUCKING ASSHOLE AND GROW THE FUCK UP! And my mother and father were considering giving him a second chance and letting back into our house? HELL FUCKING NO! IT'S MY HOUSE AND THAT BUM ASS ASSHOLE DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE ALLOWED INTO MY HOUSE AFTER ALL THE FUCKING SHIT HE PUT ME AND MY MOTHER THROUGH. I HAVE CONFLICT WITH MY MOTHER BUT I HAVE ENOUGH DAMN RESPECT TO NOT CALL HER A BITCH AND A WHORE ON MYSPACE OR FACEBOOK OR ANYWHERE. THAT'S MY MOTHER AND DESPITE ALL THE CRAP SHE PUTS ME THROUGH, I LOVE HER. HOW DARE HE EVEN TALK TO OUR MOTHER THAT WAY! AND IF HE REALLY WANTS TO THREATEN HIS LIFE TO MAKE US GIVE HIM SYMPATHY, HE CAN JUST ROT IN-.....

.....*sigh*.... He can't come home. Not while I'm still there. He can't. I won't allow him to. He comes home, I'm locking myself into my room and I'm not coming out unless I have to. I will always love my brother, but I-I just can't...deal with him anymore. I can't watch my mother go through it anymore. I can't see her cry. I don't want to cry anymore. I don't need the stress and the pain....I've had enough.

What I need right now, is to just...get away....far far far away. Where's theirs peace and clean water...and pizza...and love. Honest, true and strong love.

What I need is someone to hold me and make me smile...

walks in Prince Charming

2011-02-15T13:39:00.000-05:00

Isaiah and I are no longer...

Yeah I know. Sucks. But there's really nothing I can do about it. He's moved on...I've moved on.

Anyway, I have never told you guys about my Prince Charming know have I? He's name is Jun and he is soo sweet. I adore him so much. He's a professional card player an seller (yu-gi-oh) and he loves pokemon. He's favorite one is....well I don't know how to spell it's name...but I do know that it's a monkey lol.
Know before you say anything, he's 18 going on 19. I met him in his stomping grounds and well we hit it off. He doesn't know that I mentioned him in this bog just yet but he does know how dedicated I am to it. Jun is a Gemini so he can have he's moments where he can switch up his mood a while, but he has a gentle heart. Maybe I can find some information on Gemini's that will give you a better understanding of Jun.

"A Gemini male has a dual nature, which can get extended to three-four different personalities too. His typical personality traits include friendliness, love for people and getting along with almost everyone. He can talk on any topic under the sun, is an excellent conversationalist and has a witty nature. More often than not, he becomes the life of a party. Are you are thinking of dating him after seeing him at one of these parties? Go ahead, what he displayed at the party was his true self, but then, don't forget that he has three-four other identities also.

One day, he may bring you flowers, candies and cards without any occasion. The very next, he may not meet you even after confirming the meeting just an hour back. Two days after that, he may turn into your worst critic. Then, suddenly he will be the same guy he was on the first day. You will be treated like a queen and start feeling like one too. Then, one day, he will suddenly propose you and you will forget all that happened in the past and say 'Yes'! Now comes the main part, when you have to live with a walking-talking enigma.

If you are in love with a Gemini guy, forget terms like stability, security and consistency. In case you are extremely sensitive, it is better to move away now. However, if you can digest his quirkiness without complaining, you will be leading a life full of surprises and at times, shocks. You will be waking up with a different man each day (not literally!), though the change may be for the better. Just stay a little distant from him; too much closeness makes him nervous. Gemini men have a personal side, which they will never share with anyone, not even with their lover.

The best way to extinguish the flame between both of you is to bring monotony and boredom into your relationship. He will run away. He loves, in fact needs, change. Just be as curious and as interested in life, and its different aspects, as he is. He wants a female who can catch up with him mentally. A Gemini man will never mind if you defeat him at his mind games every now and then, in fact he will be thrilled at getting an intelligent partner-cum-competitor. He is not an egoist and will want you to express your intelligence.

A woman with brains turns him on. Geminis tend to move over old friends and make new ones, but that's because their personality changes so frequently that people find it difficult to cope up with them. They love people and loneliness disturbs them. To win the heart of a Gemini male, just assure him that you are the one who will always be near him, but won't get too close to him or lean on him. He will gladly take you with him and let you see all that he sees. He is usually generous with money, but may turn stingy at times.

However, his basic nature includes a sharing attitude, in case of money, knowledge, happiness and almost everything. A Gemini man is too idealistic to indulge in adultery and loyalty is something you will not have to worry about. However, he may throw admiring glances at the hot babes on the beach. Just don't doubt him; it may trigger him to do something he didn't even think of doing before. You may try as much as you can to hide your suspicions from him, but he will be able to guess and that would make him miserable.

A Gemini guy loves an audience, whether it comprises of males or females. However, it will never go beyond that, unless of course you doubt him. Just like he has male friends, he will have female friends too. It is better if you make them your friends too. Don't try to bind Gemini men too much and let them have their independence and freedom. In return, they will do the same for you. They make excellent fathers, who are more like buddies to their children. A Gemini man will cuddle them with love, compete with them like a friend and protect them like a father.

However, you will have to take over the responsibility of disciplining them. A Gemini male is not prone to jealousy and he will never be extremely possessive. He will trust you as much as he expects you to trust him. He may lack passion, but he will be full of romance. Just hear the same music he hears and see the same dreams he sees. Is he running? Try to catch up with him. If you get tired on the way, don't worry. He will stop for you, hold your hand and build up your strength to run with him again!"

That's him to a "T"

Random Blog Entry for a Decent Friday

2011-02-04T14:42:00.000-05:00

My friends are so strange. Here we are discussing about how this play, "The Glass Menagerie" is going to help us out in the future. It's really weird because the whole arguement makes no sense. Lmafo CJ is hilarous.

I just realized that I really like the flower Birds Of Paradise. It's a really pretty plant. I mean it's expensive but it is a very vibrant plant that is full of color. Itsn't it beautiful?

Music Class Segment

Part 1:Isaiah
Rolling In The Deep lyrics

There's a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch
And it's bring me out the dark.

Finally I can see you crystal clear
Go ahead and sell me out and I'll lay your ship bare.
See how I'll leave, with every piece of you
Don't underestimate the things that I will do.

There's a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch
And it's bring me out the dark.

The scars of your love, remind me of us.
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling

We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside your hand
And you played it to the beat

Baby I have no story to be told
But I've heard one of you
And I'm gonna make your head burn,
Think of me in the depths of your despair
Making a home down there as mine sure won't be shared

The scars of your love, remind you of us.
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/a/adele-lyrics/rolling-in-the-deep-lyrics.html ]
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling

We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside your hand
And you played it to the beat

We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside your hand
But you played it with a beating

Throw your soul through every open door
Count your blessings to find what you look for
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold
You pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow

(I wish you never gonna miss you)
We could have had it all
We could have had it all
(I wish you never gonna miss you)
It all(3 times)

We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside your hand
And you played it to the beat
We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside your hand
But you played it,
You played it,
You played it'
You played it to the beat

Part 2: Darkness
O.N.E. Lyrics
One's not enough
I won't stop 'til I've given you up
Here, right as I am, it's hard having fun
It's much easier said than it's done

Hold me like before
Hold me like you used to
Control me like you used to

No
You don't move me anymore
And I'm glad that you don't
'Cause I can't have you anymore

But I thought you should know
You don't move me anymore
And I'm glad that you don't
'Cause I can't take it anymore

The room's still now when I'm lying
'Cause the wet of the night has gone dry
When they ask to behave I pay them no mind
Now I doubt if I'd have been so kind

Hold me like before
Hold me like you used to
Control me like you used to

No
You don't move me anymore
And I'm glad that you don't
'Cause I can't have you anymore

But I thought you should know
You don't move me anymore
And I'm glad that you don't
'Cause I can't take it anymore

Hold me like before
Hold me like you used to

Hold me like before
Hold me like you used to

Hold me like before
Hold me like you used to
Control me like you used to

Hold me like you used to
Hold me like you used to
Control me like you used to

No
You don't move me anymore
And I'm glad that you don't
Cause I can't have you anymore

But I thought you should know
You don't move me anymore
And I'm glad that you don't
Cause I can't take it anymore

But I thought you should know...

If you please stop feeling, tranquilize
I know the separation kills the soul
But I won't stop falling like raindrops
Because I like it when you lose control

Part 3: My Crew
Just Kait Sick Lyrics:
You don't understand what we're talkin 'bout
We don't play by the rules we just make 'em up
And we don't have to take, take it anymore
What you think, what you say, we just tune it out.

And we don't care if we cause a commotion, yeah
We're just living our lives in fast motion
Because it's just how we do

We’re sick, we’re bad, we’re ill, we’re mad
We’re wicked crazy, yeah we’re all that
We’re stupid, we’re nuts, we'll never give up
We’re so ridiculous, yeah we’re all that

All we have is time and all of it's blur
Gonna run through the streets, gonna stop the world
Got nowhere to go but everything to do
don't you look cuz you know you will want it too

And we don't care if we cause a commotion, yeah
We’re just living our lives in fast motion
Because it's just how we do

We’re sick, we’re bad, we’re ill, we’re mad
[ Find more Lyrics on http://mp3lyrics.org/XgXl ]
We’re wicked crazy, yeah we’re all that
We’re stupid, we’re nuts, we'll never give up
We’re so ridiculous, yeah we’re all that

No we’re not here to hurt no one
This is our time and we’ll have fun
We’re gonna make things happen
That you never could imagine

No we’re not here to hurt no one
This is our time and we’ll have fun
We’re gonna make things happen
That you never could imagine

We’re sick, we’re bad, we’re ill, we’re mad
We’re wicked crazy, yeah we’re all that
We’re stupid, we’re nuts, we'll never give up
We’re so ridiculous, yeah we’re all that

We’re sick, we’re bad, we’re ill, we’re mad
We’re wicked crazy, yeah we’re all that
We’re stupid, we’re nuts, we'll never give up
We’re so ridiculous, yeah we’re all that

Yeah we’re all that
Yeah we’re all that
Yeah

Yeah we’re all that

We’re all that

Happy Birthday Isaiah

2011-02-01T14:44:00.000-05:00

Secret Santa Gift And Love Poem

2010-12-23T12:41:00.000-05:00

MANNY IS SOOO AWESOME!!!!!

He got me this wonder, beautiful, amazing Lucky Star poster for secret santa. I cried when I saw because I was NOT exspecting him to be my secret santa and to buy such a beautiful poster. Like I LOVE HIM for it.

:))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

This is what the poster looks like. I love it so much !!!!!!

Random love poem...
Enjoy!

Ghost Heart Reflection
by n3bu!@

How can I love thee?
Let me count the ways
I can give thee all my heart
And pray that you won’t give it away
I can protect thee
With all my power and strength
Wrap you into my arms
And never let thee go
Let all the sorrow you have inside you
Flow out of your eyes
Never be afraid to let me see you cry
How can I love thee?
There are so many ways
But I know, deep inside, you won’t love me the same

MERRY CHRISTMAS PEOPLE!!!!

Some Of My Favorite Poems

2010-12-15T09:47:00.000-05:00

By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is
Infinite, undying -
Lady, make a note of this:
One of you is lying.

-Dorothy Parker

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..."
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861)

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Annabel Lee

    It was many and many a year ago,
          In a kingdom by the sea,
    That a maiden there lived whom you may know
          By the name of ANNABEL LEE;
    And this maiden she lived with no other thought
          Than to love and be loved by me.

    I was a child and she was a child,
          In this kingdom by the sea;
    But we loved with a love that was more than love-
          I and my Annabel Lee;
    With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
          Coveted her and me.

    And this was the reason that, long ago,
          In this kingdom by the sea,
    A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
          My beautiful Annabel Lee;
    So that her highborn kinsman came
          And bore her away from me,
    To shut her up in a sepulchre
          In this kingdom by the sea.

    The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
          Went envying her and me-
    Yes!- that was the reason (as all men know,
          In this kingdom by the sea)
    That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
          Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

    But our love it was stronger by far than the love
          Of those who were older than we-
          Of many far wiser than we-
    And neither the angels in heaven above,
          Nor the demons down under the sea,
    Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
          Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

    For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
          Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
    And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
          Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
    And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
    Of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride,
          In the sepulchre there by the sea,
          In her tomb by the sounding sea.

-Edgar Allen Poe

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good

-W. H. Auden

Random Thoughts And Rants

2010-12-07T14:41:00.000-05:00

Ugh the people in my school are so rude. So I freaked out while reading my damn project and these idiots are fucking recording it! Like what the hell! Have none of you got nervous before?!

Anyway, Isaiah and I made up. We are still together and are planning on having a fresh new start. I don't plan on leaving him soon so don't hope for shit Eric. Yeah, I know it was you commenting on my blog. Stay away from my life. I already blocked your old account, don't make me block you again.

Christmas is soon and I feel as if I'm going to be disappointed with the gifts I'm going to get from other family members. My family has yet to sow true Christmas spirit. It's like no one cares about the holiday anymore. Sad. What I really want for Christmas (as play out as it is) is my boyfriend. That and the following:

The Sims 3 for the Wii
A necklace
Professor Layton and the Unwound Future for the DSi
A Kindle
A Gift Card For Barnes and Noble.

....super tired.... I'll write more when I can. Later

Gernade By Bruno Mars

2010-12-04T22:59:00.000-05:00

Easy come, easy go
That's just how you live, oh
Take, take, take it all,
But you never give
Should of known you was trouble from the first kiss, Had your eyes wide open -
Why were they open?
Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked, Cause what you don't understand is
I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain, Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby ; But you won't do the same

No, no, no, no
Black, black, black and blue beat me till I'm numb Tell the devil I said “hey” when you get back to where you're from
Mad woman, bad woman,
That's just what you are, yeah,
You’ll smile in my face then rip the breaks out my car
Gave you all I had

And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, yes you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked Cause what you don't understand is
I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain, Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby ; But you won't do the same

If my body was on fire, ooh You’ d watch me burn down in flames You said you loved me you're a liar Cause you never, ever, ever did baby...
But darling I’ll still catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain, Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby ; But you won't do the same.
No, you won’t do the same,
You wouldn’t do the same,
Ooh, you’ll never do the same,
No, no, no, no

Learning How To Love...

2010-12-04T21:25:00.000-05:00

Doubt...

That's what the feeling was having.

Doubt...

What is doubt?

–verb (used with object)

to be uncertain about; consider questionable or unlikely; hesitate to believe.

to distrust.

Archaic . to fear; be apprehensive about.

–verb (used without object)

to be uncertain about something; be undecided in opinion or belief.

–noun

a feeling of uncertainty about the truth, reality, or nature of something.

distrust.

a state of affairs such as to occasion uncertainty.

Obsolete . fear; dread.

—Idioms

beyond the shadow of a doubt, with certainty; definitely. Also, beyond a doubt, beyond doubt.

10.

in doubt, in a state of uncertainty or suspense: His appointment to the position is still in doubt.

11.

no doubt,

probably.

certainly: There is no doubt an element of truth in what you say.

12.

without doubt, unquestionably; certainly.

I can't believe that I have doubt of the person I truly love the most. That's is unusual.

Things have been really shaky with Isaiah and me. Hm...as bad as things have been, I haven't given up on him. And I don't think that I will. No matter how bad of a guy he believes he is. I love him. I try to think of ways to make things less stressful for us both but I'm not sure if I am the right person to do so. I'm not an expert. But hey, I'm doing the best that I know how.

Every time I think about how Isaiah asked me to help him, I hear this song playing in my head. "Teach Me" by Musiq Soulchild. Every lyric is what I want him to say or what I picture him saying:

[verse 1]
I was told the true definition of a man, was to neva cry,
work till you die (yea), got to provide (yea),
always be the rock for my fam,
protect them by all means and give you the things that you need. baby.
Our relationship is sufferin trynna give you what I neva had
you say I don't know how to love you babe, well I say show me the way,
I keep my feelings deep inside I, shadow them with my pride I,
I'm tryin desperately baby just work with me.

(chorus)
Teach me how to love, show me the way to surrender my heart,
girl I'm so lost, teach me how to love, how I can get my emotions involved,
teach me. show me how to love
show me the way to surrender my heart,
girl I'm so lost, teach me how to love, how I can get my emotions involved,
teach me (how to love)

[verse 2]
I was always taught to be strong, neva let 'em think you care at all,
let no one get close to me, before you and me.
I done shared things wit you girl bout my past,
(that I'd neva tell), to anyone else (no), just keep it to myself (yea).
Girl I know I lack affection and expressing my feelings, it took me a minute to come and admit this
but see I'm really trynna change now,
wanna love you betta, show me how, I’m tryin desperately baby please work with me.

(chorus)
Teach me how to love, show me the way to surrender my heart,
girl I'm so lost, teach me how to love, how I can get my emotions involved,
teach me. show me how to love
show me the way to surrender my heart,
girl I'm so lost, teach me how to love, how I can get my emotions involved,
teach me, teach me (how to love)

[verse 3]
Ain't nobody eva took the time to try to teach me what love was but you.
And I ain't neva trust no one enough to let 'em tell me what (to do),
teach me how to really show it and, show me how to love you baby,
(teach me please just show me yea) cause I’m willing, to let go of my fears,
girl I’m serious, about all that I say
girl I wanna love you (wanna love you), with all of my heart (all of my heart),
baby show me where to start

(chorus)
Teach me how to love, show me the way to surrender my heart,

teach me. show me how to love
show me the way to surrender my heart,
girl I'm so lost, teach me how to love, how I can get my emotions involved,
teach me how, how to love

Teach me, how to love you baby
Girl just teach me how to love you betta
You know I wanna love you betta, girl

Of course that's only wishful thinking. What I really hear from him is actually something close to this nature:

I think you can do much better than me
After all the lies that I made you believe
Guilt kicks in and I start to see
The edge of the bed
Where your nightgown used to be
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remember
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

While looking through your old box of notes
I found those pictures I took
That you were looking for
If there's one memory I don't want to lose
That time at the mall
You and me in the dressing room
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remember
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

The bed I'm lying in is getting colder
Wish I never would've said it's over
And I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm older
Cause we never really had our closure
This can't be the end
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
(And I think you should know this)
(You deserve much better than me)

He says that I'm not a bad girlfriend. That I should give up like everyone else. Sounds so familiar. But that's what scares me. Someone who is so cocky doesn't believe he is qualified to be with me. Did I give him too much credit? No that can't be. Because he was able to love me before. Did he change? Did I? I mean I have grown up and dealt with more drama then anyone should have to. But this is not how it was suppose to go.*sigh* I bet he's happy I'm miserable. He did wish death on our relationship. He wanted Isaiah to hurt me. He got his wish. Never in my life have I had someone hate me that much to wish bad things on me in revenge for "hurting" him.

My only job is to help Isaiah become....better.Or whatever it is that he needs help with. I'm going to be whether he wants me to or not. I mean what kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn't help my own boyfriend out

My Favorite Otaku Pictures

2010-11-28T18:02:00.000-05:00

The World Ends With You

not realistic but cute

And my favorite otaku...

Can We Get It Together....

2010-11-28T15:14:00.000-05:00

Things have been really hectic around this time. I had at least four arguments withing these weeks I have been gone and strangely enough....they were only with two main people. My mommy and Isaiah. Go figure. Now the first 2 arguments were over nothing serious of course. Just petty ones really.But the other ones were like heartbreaking and tear worthy. Mother was upset about the gift i was going to get Isaiah. Said I was spending way too much on someone I never met. And she didn't want me to be one of those women who take of their men by spending all of their money and get nothing back in return. Trust me, I feel into trap....well, almost. But she is now in control of the gift I send. But I have say over what it looks like and what it says inside of it. I just hope that all goes well and this doesnt turn out like our first Christmas together. I would write about it, but the thing is...I dont feel like crying anymore.

I never mentioned about Isaiah and I ... Guess I'm still trying to recover from it. It's hard to tell now a days if I really forgive him or not. He says sorry and I know he is but I still have that feeling...this felling that I want more. "Sorry" and "I love you" just aren't enough anymore. They use to be the key factors that solved everything and then we would back together. We would be laughing right now and things would become good again. But here I am, listening to him sleep over the phone while I type away at this blog with this feeling. This unsatitified feeling with the sounds of Tony Toni Tone playing in my mom's speakers. If we were in the same room, he would be on the bed and I would be here by the PC, looking back at him as he slept soundly knowing that the girl he loves forgives him for his past wrongs. He sounds so peaceful and relaxed. While I sit here....thinking... Don't get me wrong, I love Isaiah with every bit of my heart and soul and I want us to work but there's this thing bugging me and I cant figure out how to just...get rid of this feeling.

I don't want to leave...and I'm scared this is going to repeat itself if I stay....
I have no idea what I'm suppose to do...


I kind of would have this same look like this girl here if I was holding him..

Get It Together lyrics
Songwriters: Jones, Danielle;

I don't really wanna stay
I don't really wanna go
But I really need to know
Can we get it together?
Get it together
Get it together

I don't really wanna go
I don't really wanna stay
But I really hope and pray
Can we get it together?
Get it together

You don't know the pain that I feel
You've taken my love for granted
And you just wanna see it your way, yah
It's about that time
I'm gonna tell ya what's on my mind
I'm fed up with you not being here with me
When you know love is all I need
I don't want to stay

I don't really wanna stay
I don't really wanna go
But I really need to know
Can we get it together?
Get it together

I don't really wanna go
I don't really wanna stay
But I really hope and pray
Can we get it together?
Get it together
Let's get together, babe

I can't let go
'Cuz being confused just takes control
I hope we can start brand new
'Cuz I don't want to loose you, oh no

With the love we shared
Baby it's all so rare
I'm willing to try and make you see
That all you need is here in me

I don't wanna stay
I don't wanna go
But you gotta let me know
How you feel
Let me know how you feel

I don't wanna stay
I don't wanna go
But you gotta let me know
How you feel
Just how you feel

I don't really wanna stay
I don't really wanna go
But I really need to know
Can we get it together?
Get it together

I don't really wanna go
I don't really wanna stay
But I really hope and pray
Can we get it together?
Get it together

See I'm so confused
I just don't know what to do
And I don't understand, no
Ya know I don't wanna stay
You know I don't wanna go
Baby, please listen to me
I don't wanna

I don't really wanna stay
I don't really wanna go
But I really need to know
Can we get it together?
Get it together

Getting Old is Never Any Fun

2010-11-19T23:31:00.001-05:00

My mother decided that since it was my birthday week she would allow me on the computer till 11:30. That was sweet of her.Which is why this entry is written at this "late" hour.

I love this cute video by the group Mindless Behavior. It's called "My Girl". I mean these kids cant not be older than like 12 or 14 they already know how to be good boyfriends. Now why can't most of the guys I dated be just like them. Maybe the next generation will be better than this one.

I also LOVE this song by Rihanna and Drake "What's My Name" I mainly like it because it reminds me of Isaiah and also it has Drake in it and anybody who really knows me, knows I LOVEEEEE Drake.

what my room sort of looks like...

Lately things have been very...strange and overwhelming. I almost feel like I'm growing up way to fast. I have young 6th graders in my school who are starting to look up to me and it kind of makes me feel like a parent already.... ugh where are my teeth -_- ....I like being young. Otaku's are much cuter when they are young!

Birthday Results And Christmas Thinking

2010-11-17T13:12:00.000-05:00

best game ever

My birthday was yesterday and now I am officially 17 years old. God I'm old. I can not believe just how time is going by so damn fast. I spent the very first hours of my birthday were spent with my loving boyfriend Isaiah. He is the absolute best. I even got Cold Stone ice cream! Best in the world. I didn't get much (duh, I'm getting older so I don't think I need that much) but I did enjoy my birthday. YAY ME!

Everyday that I'm with Isaiah is like the fucking best for me. He always makes me happy even when we argue for a bit (9/10 he is joking around). I haven't been this happy in a long time. I find myself smiling whenever I wake up in the morning. My mom thinks he is an ass and he thinks that mommy...isn't the most kindest woman on the planet but one thing that they both have in common is that they love me. Mommy believes that I should "stop letting him take over my life" (obviously she has gotten I'm confused with someone else) but he's not. I mean I love my mom, but I'm not going to give Isaiah up. For god's sake I want to MARRY the boy. And I know he wants to marry me. Hell, I've known him and loved him for 4 years of my life. I am devoted to him. I hardly think anyone else can even get to the level that he is currently on.

My main focus now a days is Christmas! I'm going to send Issy something but I'm not quite sure what he's getting me. And by the conversations we have been having about his gift are starting to freak me out because I'm not sure what it is and my guesses are haunting me.

Question: Just what the heck am I suppose to get my boyfriend for Christmas?

Hmmm....

they celebrate christmas??

Why I Love Isaiah SO Much...

2010-11-08T15:05:00.001-05:00

My birthday is right around the corner and it surprises me that I'm already going on 17. Wow. I'm growing up so fast. Here I am, a junior, and I have the best boyfriend in the world and a group of friends who happen to be the top juniors of my entire school. That is strangely amazing.

Things at home are fine but I'm still getting use to the situation that happened with Darkness. My heart has completely locked it self away from him and only him. There is a special reason why Isaiah is the only one I trust with the key. Isaiah is the only one who has stayed with me for years to come. He has never left me alone. I left him and it was a huge mistake and I can't take it back. But I know that he would never hurt me on purpose. He would never take my love for granted. In his own words: "Because no matter what you say, or what you do to piss me off and/ or disappoint me... I will always love you." Thus giving him all rights to the title of best boyfriend ever.

Isaiah and I started out a little rocky but that doesn't mean we are going to give up. He and I want to make this work because we know that there is no one that can take the others place. He's my true love and I would do anything for him and he knows it. Sure there are things that I do to piss him off and there are things he does that piss me off. But that doesn't make either of us love the other any less. He has always had the key to my heart. He is my first true love and I will NEVER give him up. Sure, the relationship isn't going the way I dreamed as fast as I want it to but its working. Even if he doesn't speak for a long time. I am glad to hear his speak...even if it's not to me. Knowing that he is mines once more makes my heart sing.

* I love my boyfriend, despite what people say about him. He's the best I ever had :) *

I love you Issy

How To Lock and Chain Away A Heart: Darkness's Lullaby

2010-11-03T12:58:00.000-04:00

Last Friday was the day it all ended. Darkness confessed to his sins finally and left me for dead in the end. Turns out that I have been loving a complete stranger and I was used. Used...again. I hate it when I let things like this happen to me. But I did stand up to him about it and well he has disappeared back into his hole. And when we were talking about it, he made everything about him. Who is this selfish guy who is a complete jerk!? Have I been fooled to believe that this guy who I believed to be a gentleman really a sly devil luring me into his trap of hate? *sigh* I can't really even think straight about this....

maybe this song could be better a better understanding of his basic words to me, almost like Darkness's lullaby to me...

For as long, long as I can remember
It's been December, no sun, 
No summertime to treasure, we weren't grown
And every time that they told us surrender, it will be better 
We just go holding on til forever for what we know

Broken lover, yes, I made you
Believe that I would be the one to heal you
And if you go now, Out that doorway
I won't say you're wrong
But you know that I worry about you

For as long, long as she can remember
She wanted better, no home
No one there to protect her, all alone
And so she told me I was her center
Nothing could tempt her
I still roamed just like her father left her
Ooo, he left her

Broken lover, yes, I made you
Believe that I would be the one to heal you
And if you go now, Out that doorway
I won't say you're wrong
But you know that I worry about you

Isn't it bad, you been a good victim
You thought I was worth it, you act like I would listen
And maybe you were right at one point, someday
I use to watch you treat the streets like runway
I use to write with tears on your pretty painted face
Sign language on your back from the first taste
So when he whispers in your ear and you think of me
You wish I would've treated you like you treated me
When you wake up from your dreams of the hallway
Sleepwalking through the streets dressed in all gray
Making streetlamps in the window pane
I worried from the second I learned your name

Everything in love is lie
But where was I last night? 
And why don't you feel right?

Broken lover, yes, I made you
Believe that I would be the one to heal you
And if you go now, Out that doorway
I won't say you're wrong
But you know that I worry about you

Broken lover, yes, I made you
Believe that I would be the one to heal you
And if you go now, Out that doorway
I won't say you're wrong
But you know that I worry about you

Moving on, Isaiah is now home and as of tomorrow, I will have (almost) full excess to him.

He and I will be able to call and text me whenever he likes. Which after 3 years of emailing,

texting and instant messaging (while getting in trouble: mostly me) We will be able to talk longer

and whenever we choose to :) yay!

I have people trying to pick up the many pieces of myself and put them back together. My heart has

locked itself in a safe with thousands of chains and locks with the key hanging with one single person

Its strange how I am not sure where that key lies but I think only one person knows.

There is something I do want to tell Darkness but he see no point in seeing me. Figures -_-.

It's kinda like this...

I cant force him to. But it is important that I tell him. I did make a promise and I plan on following through

with it.

"Happiness is around the corner.. you just have to wait for it...."

"Don't let anyone change you...you are who you are. If they don't like you for who you are, then you do

not need them in your life"

Sure dad....whatever you say.

Happy birthday Bro

Morning for My Phone

2010-10-27T13:04:00.000-04:00

Things have been quite depressing for me. I walk around my house trying to avoid my mother because she took away the only thing that bridged us together. And she has the nerve to ask me "Are you wearing black because your depressed?"

*nods*

" Why are you depressed?"

*Inner thought: You take away my phone and my connection to my first love and you have no idea why I'm depressed?* "Cuz..." ~Walks away~

I really don't care if she's pissed that I said that but she should already know. I hate when she acts like she did nothing wrong and smiles in my face excepting to apologize when I did nothing wrong. I had a late call, big deal. It's not like its your wasting money on it and/or its wasting our minutes. Ugh she just so...ugh!

The whole reason I wanted the damn cell phone.....WAS TO TALK TO ISAIAH!

I don't get why she just doesn't get that already. With my first phone, who did I call first when I had the stupid walkie-talkie phone? Issy.

So who would I text and/or call with a new phone? Exactly.

I want my phone! I want to talk to Isaiah (and Darkness and my family) and I want to be left by myself when I go home! Why is it so hard for my mother to get that?

So today I'm morning the heartbreak that the follow people of my contacts are in thanks to the fact that they can not talk to me.... ugh! I want to have my own conversations with the people in my life without my bloody mother interfering! I can't stand this anymore. I can't WAIT till I'm 18 (and Issy comes) then I'm out of here.

Are you thinking about me? Do you miss me too?

I'm Still Smiling =)

2010-10-21T09:33:00.000-04:00

My mother has tooken the librety of taking my phone away again afetr getting upet about Isaiah's phone call at 1 in the morning. Honestly what did she think I wanted the cell phone for in the first place? I wanted it to talk to him and she's pissed abut it. She never bothered to ask me why I wanted the damn thing. All well....guess I have to wait till she calms down.

Overall I am really happy. I mean REALLY happy! Talking to Isaiah (whether he is making fun of me or not) is always something that brings a smile of my face. One thing that I always find interesting (and that bugs the shit out of me) is how he has the need to be better than me and always one step above me. He just HAS to be on top of me. And he takes pride in doing so. He said it himself. That so and so. When ever we argue, he always wins. No matter what the arguement is, he ALWAYS has to win. I have never had anyone who constistly using resources against me, for fun. *sigh* But some how I find it a turn on. Isaiah is just amazing.

There's another reason why I am so happy but that's for me, my diary and unknown to know. =)

All that I can tell you is, I have not been this happy for a very long time.

It's been a while hasn't it? Lol

Life According to Nebula

2010-10-19T12:57:00.000-04:00

Isaiah and I have communication again! I'm so happy to have a way to talk to him again. Then again there are some bad points about the whole ordeal. Like, the simple fact that he's using another phone and can only call me at 9. which would have been no problem except he is not home. He's like four hours away from me! and the phone number is a Louisianan phone number. Which happens to be like right next to Texas. Go figure. Ugh. And with my mother's strange rule to turn in my new cell phone to her at 10 o'clock everyday makes it rather difficult to even hear his voice. I am waiting for a chance to call him but that doesn't seem to be soon. -_-

In other news, I went to comic con with an old crush and had a ball. So many new things and so many buttons to collect. My old crush (who was separated from the me the whole day) didn't get as much. XD

Darkness and I have been having issues lately and I'm hoping things do work out for us in the long run but I cant force anything to happen. Though I wish things between us would be a little better.

My mom and I are doing well. No complaints. I just wish she would go to work late so I can talk to Isaiah already!!

School is boring because I know how to do everything and it doesn't even take me a long time to do so.

My brother is an ass.

and a partridge in a pear tree :)

My friends and I are strangely like them....Lol

He hates me

2010-09-29T14:14:00.001-04:00

I can tell that he hates me and no one is going to blame him for that.....God im so so stupid

Only N3bu!@ In the World

2010-09-11T20:57:00.000-04:00


How I plan on dressing now for school

Finished school shopping finally! It's amazing how many people shop at Staples. There was a line curving all over the store. I bet the crew has a great salary during the beginning of the school year. Hmm....I might fill out an application for them. A girl needs money now a days. Journals are not free. I wish they were though. Sometimes I write too much that I don't believe there is enough paper for me to actually complete the thousands of thoughts that seem to flow out my mind. It's like my brain is a rapper with the the illest freestyles like Drake.

The gap between my bro and me is much bigger than this

It's been a while since I have heard from my brother but things seem to not be going so well for him. It's almost a matter of time before he is put out and honestly, I'm not sure if I should feel bad about his situation or should I be on my mother's side and forget the whole thing. Well not forget..that's the wrong word to use. I should of said not care and move on. I almost feel like it was my fault that he is gone but then whenever I begin to think that, I see the actions and cruel bullshit words he said and did and I brush him off like the ones who brushed me off. I treat him like the people I walk past everyday. But even that gets hard because I share the same blood that is slowly spilling out of his heart. If he wasn't my brother than I would care about him as much as I care about gum. Damn. If only he never screwed up then maybe, things would have been better....

Tomorrow, Drake is going to perform on the VMA's. *screams my head off* But the only problem I have with that whole wonderful night, is the fact that True Blood comes on right around the time the award are going on. Hmm. I can always catch the encore of True Blood. Yup that's my plan. Drake comes first before ANY vampire. And that's finale!!! I can't wait to see Drake perform on stage! I hope nothing bad happens to him. (I'm warning you Kanye if you even THINK about ruining Drake's moment(s), I am SO going to hate you forever!!!) I wish the best of luck Drake. I just know you're going to shut it down.

Comic con is in a couple of days and I am stoked. I'm looking forward to seeing all these people and all the things that they might have there. God it's going to be amazing.

The days are going faster and faster. It's almost seems like yesterday that Isaiah has left for basic training. It's weird of how fast things seem to be going. I look at the candler and I notice that days brushing by and it brings a huge smile on my face. I'm not sure when he is coming to see me exactly. I just know that he is coming this year. This year has been planned out ahead of time and it's all finally coming together. Wow. I can't wait to see him. I know that I am going to be really goofy and giggle a lot around him but I can't help how I am.

I have this faith that things are going to get better and better. I wake up smiling and giggling. And I have this fire in my heart that lets me know, I'm going to be fine.

That would be my cat on my shoulder... :)

Strange...

I started feeling this way...after my "friends" deserted me....that's very strange.

Oh before I forget. There is a song that I simply adore. Well there is actually a couple. And here they are:

Only Girl (In The World)- Rihanna

Show Me A Good Time- Drake

Dancing On My Own- Robyn

Take It Off- Ke$ha

First Days are Always Full of Surprises

2010-09-10T20:25:00.000-04:00

My school has yet to surprise me. Walking up to the school grounds wearing white 1'' high flip flops, blue jeans and a black tee shirt was almost breathe taking. I learned that we no longer have a floor. Also our school grounds have been narrowed down to a straight walk way towards the door. Oh yeah, they are surely trying to send a message through our heads. Get in or get out. Gotta love my school.
Ran into some old friends of mine and caught up with their summers even though I couldn't really relate because I don't live there. My summer was kind of dull compared to theirs put together...in their eyes. To me (and those involved in my summer) thought it was quite eventfully.

The classes were set up the way I thought they would be. Same old classes with the same students (damn). But the thing that surprised me was the "changed the order" somehow. (right....). My old science teacher was there. I was hoping that she came back because she kept it real and she was one of the very few black teachers that we had. And now it seems that she is the ONLY real black teacher there. The other one named Mr. H left. Uh, why would someone so nice and cool and funny leave our school? I blame our fun-hating Principle.

One good thing that came out of that day was someone who I really enjoy being around has agreed to go to comic con with me. It took all of my seer stupidity to ask him and when I did, he hugged my lungs out of me. I nearly fell out of my seat. I had to hide my blushing read cheeks or else I might of embarrass myself. But I refuse to let anyone know other than my brain, why I invited him in the first place. That's for me to know....and for you nosy people to never figure out. (He really wanted to go)


This Is how it was...sort of..

I'm eager to go back to school Monday. :)

My Birthday List Of Demands

2010-09-06T18:18:00.000-04:00

I thought I make my birthday list here so the whole world has proof of the things that I requested for which are probably aren't going to really get.

+A Palm Centro cellphone+


Palm Centro In Pink

+ The Daria DVD+

Actual Dvd

+Drake's Album+

+ The Nook eReader+

+$20 bucks from each family member+

+ At least 12 birthday cards+

+Combat boots+

+Lolita Dress+

And I am pretty sure this demands will probably no be met. Thanks to the economy and what not.

Smiling Through Your Agony...Proudly

2010-09-06T14:46:00.000-04:00

Days have been really painful! God I hate being a woman but there is nothing that I can do. I wonder if I would so much stress if I was born a boy, probably not. Like James Brown said, "this is a man's world" I'm suppose to be cooking and cleaning or sewing while my boyfriend/husband works his ass doing nothing. Then I will have to open my legs and allow him to impregnate me so that I can grace him with a child. And god help us if it's a girl. My boyfriend/husband will only want a son to carry on his family name.

Hell no...

It's strange how some people think that I left Darkness. Funny isn't it. well I will allow people to think what they want because honestly, it doesn't really matter anymore. I rather them think a lie then stress myself trying to get them to know the truth. That's his issue. Not mine. It also seem that Darkness seems to be having a melt down and what not. His new girlfriend told me that he seems really down lately. And guess who she turn the blame on. Me. Suprising? Not really. I told her I had nothing to do with that (because I didn't) and brushed off the worry of even trying to think about it. He broke our bond as Boyfriend and Girlfriend so it's her deal now. I have others things to worry about...like nothing.

And I say that with a hopeful and happy smile. *grins*

Dealing and Dewling

2010-09-02T18:57:00.001-04:00

It's funny how you realize that the people who you thought was your friends, aren't. And the people who you thought weren't your friends, are. So I have to move on from certain people and move on with my life. I mean I can't get into Columbia with out working my ass to the bone. I can't worry about people who don't want to be in my life. If they don't, then there lost.

Moving on......

Brand New
School starts soon it kind of scares me how some people are going to take to the new Nebula. I wonder if it will shock them that I no longer care about what they think of me or give a damn about the things that use to bother me. Love me or hate me, it's still an obsession.

Freaking Out
Been thinking about Isaiah lately.(what else is new?) I wonder if he missing me and his family. I realize it's only been a month since he left, but it just gets me thinking how everyday brings him closer to me. I often think about what it would be like when he finally comes to see me. I have known him for years and I'm still so nervous about meeting him. Strange... I figured since I have grown up, that I would be more prepared for his visit. But I'm not! I like really nervous and I can't figure out how to look or anything. Ugh... how I hate this. I'll figure it out later.

Growing Up?
Mom has allowed me to wear make up and what not. And by make up, I mean lip gloss and eye liner. Which really isn't like a special thing since most girls younger than me are already wearing WAY too much and winning countless awards and living their mother's dreams. Isn't that amazing....don't you just LOVE our society -_-.

+Count Down+

~6 Days till school starts~

~7 days till my mother's birthday~

~6 days till I get my Ichigo~

~Several weeks till Isaiah's visit~

Adore Love And Empower

2010-09-01T20:03:00.001-04:00

I have not blogged in a good minute. Go figure? I just have been really busy lately with my new life and what not. I guess I have to try living my life with or without alot of people but hey life can be that way at times. I miss Isaiah so much. He went away for basic training and I miss him alot. I might not get to blog as much as I use to but I will keep you guys updated.

Comic Con
Looks like its that time again and I can't wait to go. Of course there is the matter of finding an outfit. Talk about a HUGE problem. But you know it's fine. I can make almost anything work. That one thing I have learned from my mother. One other thing that I have to do is find someone who I can take with me. I have a free pass but I'm not sure who I want to take with me. Hmmm. If Isaiah was here with me, I would SO take him within an instant. NO questions asked. And I would take Stephy or Darkness but well....Nah. "Oh, Neby, why not? Aren't they close to you?" Well Stephy will always be close to me because she and I have been friends for like 4 years tops (going on 5 years). Darkness on the other hand....no longer wants anything to do with me. I haven't heard from him all summer because he had been "busy". Psh whatever. On to the next one. So I might find someone from school or maybe....someone else. I really don't know.

Family Ties
My brother has finally left my house and honestly I slightly miss him and then again I know that it was his own fault that things are the way they are. It has been me and my mom for a while and things have been fine. We talk a lot more and we do more things together but it still get hard at times. I have faith that things are going to get better. With time. It's all going to be fine with time.

Stronger

I have became a much stronger woman spending so much time with my mom. I have learned to take no bull shit from anyone. And I refuse to let anyone use or let their words bother me anymore. I have grown into this person with this sheild to protect myself from those who don't deserve my time anyway. I love me!

God Bless Mikki. Dear Brother... I will miss you...

Shut It Down - Drake/The Dream (4 Isaiah)

2010-07-19T11:48:00.001-04:00

[Drake]
These girls ain’t got nothing on you
Uhh, say baby I had to mention
That if you were a star you’d be the one I’m searching for
All the girls they got attention
But I just always feel like there in need of something you got
Its obvious you’re pretty
Heard that your a student working weekends in the city
Trying to take you out girl, hope your not too busy
And if there’s nothing wrong, got this little song
For you to get ready to
Put those f-cking heels on and work it girl
Let that mirror show you what your doing
Put that f-cking dress on and work it kind of vicious
Like somebody’s taking pictures

[Chorus]
Shut it down down down
You would shut it down down down
You be the baddest girl around round round
And they notice they notice
You would shut it down down down
You be the baddest girl around round round
And they notice they notice
You would shut it, hey oh
These girls aint got nothing on you,
Nothing on you

[The Dream]
Girl you’re the greatest
And if he say you aint
Girl he’s out his mind
You’re the finest
And if he say you aint
That boy done lost his mind
Hey baby, everytime you come around
Shut it down like computers
Hey lady, step into my heart
And put you in the louboutins,
What you want
What you need
I can be (I can be)
Your everything
(who knew)
Them other n-ggas
Just wanna hit it but if they had it
Wouldn’t know what to do with it
(and together)

[Drake & The Dream]
We shut it down down down
They know we shut it down down down
Your the baddest girl around, round round
They know this, they know this
(repeated)

[The Dream]
TMZ, Concrete loop
You shut that muthf-cker down down
Ice cream conversations they all want the scoop
You shut that muthaf-cker down down down

[Drake]
Shooting Stars all around her, fire. comets.
I could bring her through and shut them down, Onyx
No, you’re not imagining, they’re looking at you long stares
Even though she’s standing out she looks like she belongs here
You feel the hours pass, until you find somethin’
I feel like when she moves – the time doesn’t
Yeah, baby you finer than your fine cousin
And your cousin fine, but she don’t have my heart beating in double time
You just shut it down, girl
Who told the cops where the party was?
Why do I feel like I found The One?
What’s in these shots that you ordered us?
Damn. I mean you sure know how to paint a town
Ever since you came around its obvious you shut it down

You shut that sh-t down (down down down)
You shut it down (down down down)
You shut it down (down down down)
You shut it down (down down down)
You shut it down (down down down)
You shut it, ohh

[Drake]
You know this, you know this

You looking good girl
Go go go get em girl,
Go go go go hit em girl
Go go go go go go
You shut it down

Dear Unknown....

2010-07-12T11:52:00.001-04:00

From the start, It felt like this...(well when I first met you, my thoughts were like so)

"Beautiful Stranger"

Haven't we met

You're some kind of beautiful stranger

You could be good for me

I've had the taste for danger

If I'm smart then I'll run away

But I'm not so I guess I'll stay

Heaven forbid

I'll take my chance on a beautiful stranger

I looked into your eyes

And my world came tumbling down

You're the devil in disguise

That's why I'm singing this song

To know you is to love you

You're everywhere I go

And everybody knows

To love you is to be part of you

I've paid for you with tears

And swallowed all my pride

When I Feel In Love....

"Love Of My Life"

I met him when I was a

Little girl, he gave me

He gave me poetry

And he was my first

But in my heart I knew I

Wasn't the only one

'Cause when the tables turned

He had to break up

Whenever I got lonely

Or needed some advice

He gave me his shoulder

His words were very nice

But that is all behind me

'Cause now there is no other

My love is his and his is mine

A friend became the

Love of my life

You are my friend

Love of my life

I can depend

Love of my life

Without you, baby

It feels like a simple true love

When we became one

"Make Me Better"

I'ma movement by myself

But i`ma force when we're together

Mami im Good all by myself

But baby you, you make me better.

You make me better

You plus me, it equals better math

Your boy a good look but she my better half

I`m already bossing, already flossing

But why have the cake if it ain`t got the sweet frosting?

(ya ya ya ya) keeping me on my A-game

(wha wha wha wha) without having the same names

(they they they they they) they may flame --

(buh buh buh buh) but shorty we burn it up

The sag in my swag. pep in my step

Daddy do the gucci

Mami intercepts

Guess it's a "G" thinq..

Whenever we swing, ima need lorretta scott if im gunna be king.

First things first

I does what I do

But everything I am, she's my improved

I'm already boss, im already fly

But if I am a star, she is the sky

(ah ah ah) and when I feel like im on top

(she she she) she give me reason to not stop

(eh eh eh eh) and though im hot

(to to to) together we burn it up

The caked up cut

The cleaned up ice

When shorty come around, I clean up nice

Dynamic duo, batman & robin.

Whoever don't like it, its that mans problems

(eh eh eh) and when I feel like im tired, (ma ma ma) mami be taken me higher

(uh uh uh uh uh) im on fire, (buh buh buh) but shorty we burn it up.

Beside every great man, you can find a women like a soldier

Holding him down

[verse]

She treats me like a don, watchs for the hit

She checks where I go, even watchs who im wit

The right when im wrong, so I never slip

Show me how to move, thats why I never trip

And babygirl you so major, they should front page ya

God bless the parents who made ya

Middle finger anybody who hate the

Way we burn it up

And When IT happened

"Crawling"

[Chorus:]

Crawling in my skin

These wounds they will not heal

Fear is how I fall

Confusing what is real

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface

Consuming/confusing

This lack of self-control I fear is never ending

Controlling/I can't seem

[Bridge:]

To find myself again

My walls are closing in

(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)

I've felt this way before

So insecure

[Chorus]

Discomfort,endlessly has pulled itself upon me

Distracting/reacting

Against my will I stand beside my own reflection

It's haunting how I can't seem...

When We Broke Up...

"Who Knew?"

You took my hand

You showed me how

You promised me you'd be around

Uh huh

That's right

I took your words

And I believed

In everything

You said to me

Yeah huh

That's right

If someone said three years from now

You'd be long gone

I'd stand up and punch them out

Cause they're all wrong

I know better

Cause you said forever

And ever

Who knew

Remember when we were such fools

And so convinced and just too cool

Oh no

No no

I wish I could touch you again

I wish I could still call you friend

I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now

'fore they're long gone

I guess I just didn't know how

I was all wrong

They knew better

Still you said forever

And ever

Who knew

Yeah yeah

I'll keep you locked in my head

Until we meet again

Until we

Until we meet again

And I won't forget you my friend

What happened

If someone said three years from now

You'd be long gone

I'd stand up and punch them out

Cause they're all wrong and

That last kiss

I'll cherish

Until we meet again

And time makes

It harder

I wish I could remember

But I keep

Your memory

You visit me in my sleep

My darling

Who knew

My darling

Who knew

My darling

I miss you

My darling

Who knew

And How I Feel Now

"Don't Make Me Wait"

Angel eyes why do you look back

And all this time how did you know that

I'd be here, I'd be here, I'd be here

In this world all alone

So don't make me wait, honey

Don't make me say it out loud

Don't hesitate no honey

Or it will all fall down

Angel eyes why do you gaze

Everytime I loose my way

You, find me here

Find me here, find me here

So don't make me wait, honey

Don't make me say it out loud

Don't hesitate now honey

Or it will all fall down

Don't make me wait, honey

Don't make me say it out loud

Don't hesitate now honey

Or it will all fall down

All fall down

Don't make me wait, honey

Don't make me say it out loud

Don't hesitate now honey

Or it will all fall down

Poem of Thought

I'll Never Forget

by Ashley Williams

I'll never forget the times we shared
And all the hardships we spared

The memories are forever lasting
In my heart buried with a golden casting

Ice pops, volleyball, and marry me ring pop
All important to me but I never realized to stop

I should have told you exactly how I felt
Every time you looked at me you made my heart melt

When I see you driving and cruising by
It makes me turn away and cry

Now I've completely lost you due to my non understanding parent
They'll never realize what they put in me rust, holes and dents

They didn't think twice and tore our love in half
If they only could have seen the way you make me laugh

It was you that made me happy, energetic and full of life
Now there's been an incision made with a sharp knife

I want things back to the way they used to be
Just the two of us you and me

I want us together so damn bad
It makes me full of anger and deeply mad

Please let there be one day we'll happily be together
Forever alone with just one another

Couples In Anime that Reflect Our Relationship

Anime: Lovely Complex
Couple:Risa Koizumi and Atsushi Ōtani

Anime: Boys Over Flowers
Couple:Tsukushi Makino and Tsukasa Domyouji

Comment on everything if possible......

Day 4....Slow day

2010-07-09T13:33:00.001-04:00

Today, my journalism crew and I are researching the topic that we are going to write about in our final paper column towards the end of the summer. My topic is texting addictions. I don't know who I should interview for this topic seeming how it's not a real illness, at least I hope it's not. If it is I don't think i have it because I don't really have a phone. I might have to go see a doctor and ask them on their opinion of this matter. Maybe I'll go see mines or probably try to find someone. Are their doctors that you can talk to online? Hmm that would be cool if there were...

Being a Journalist isn't really half bad. You get to be on the computer a lot. You get to meet people and make them talk to you (people in new york love to give their opinion about anything and everything)and plus the people in my class are very friendly.

Someone I miss dearly though is Unknown.....but I have an idea of how to get him to talk to me agian....im working on this story for him and hopefully he will enjoy it because he thinks I'm a good writer. I just wonder if he will be able to handle reading it. Not everyone can read stories about the truth so well. God knows I can't. Till he comments...or the "news room" get's busier my people...ciao!

Starting Out in the World...Day 3

2010-07-08T10:42:00.001-04:00

Interviewing is the hardest thing in the world when your 16 and haven't a clue how to stop older college students an get them to talk to you. I only have done 2 interviews and trust me, it was NOT easy. I had to learn to walk up to someone and then keep up with what the had to say. Sigh. So many people just don't want to talk to someone younger than them...

But it is day 3 in my class of Journalism and things seem to be going well. The girls in my class (well some) have talked to me and so have some of the boys in my class. No biggie though. I'm a writer who is use to being to myself and not really asking people what they want in my story. This time, I have to give the people the information by asking people FOR the information.

Today we are having our first guest, a reporter from a magazine and I hope he can help me out with interviewing. My first time was a little shy but this time I will do better than before! Help me....

journalism....

2010-07-07T11:09:00.002-04:00

I have joined a journalism class in Lehman. So far, I have my own computer and my own reporter pad and flash drive. I haven't really went out to report anything but I have pitched three ideas to my teacher or "my boss". I feel like this is going to be an adventure for me as a writer. Plus the lunch is free and good too! Wish me luck! I shall keep you posted.

For the One's I cant live without...

2010-06-14T14:24:00.003-04:00

Keep On Without You
Darling, are you dreaming
are you dreaming of me now oh oh oh
whoa
Screaming, are you screaming
cuz it's such a nightmare now oh oh oh

Oh there must be must be something else waiting for you
oh oh oh oh oh ohh
There must be must be something else waiting for you
oh oh oh oh ohh

oohh III I can't keep on without you
oooh III I can't keep on without you

Leaving, are you leaving
Really need you here the most
oh oh oh oh oh
I need you more than ever all I have is your holy ghost
oh oh oh oh oh

There must be must be something else waiting for you
oh oh oh oh oh ohh

There must be must be something
else waiting for you
Oh oh oh oh ohh

Oohh III I can't keep on without you
Oooh III I can't keep on without you
Whoaaa oh oh
Without you
Whoaa oh oh

You paint my broken heart like some awful piece of art.
And I watch my world as it falls down around
but still I pray you will come back some day

Whooo II will keep on without you
Whooo II will keep on without you
Whooo II will keep on without you
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Without you
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

I missed you guys...

2010-06-08T13:25:00.000-04:00

Wow it has been a while since I have posted a blog. I have been so busy dealing with family drama and then there was the ordeal where I was sent to North Carolina!!! O_o

Oh how strange that was....

Any who, I wrote a poem for many different English classes but this one was for my recent English class. Enjoy!! comment on whether you agree or not with it.

Nebula,

Caring, loving, outgoing
Daughter of Janice and Kenneth
Lover of Anime, pizza and horoscopes
Who feels adored when with her loved ones, gloomy when there are no more cookies in the oven, and thrilled when an episode of Daria comes on
Who needs her own personal library, a closet full of Lolita dresses and a place for my two best friends in the world and I to live in harmony
Who gives advice to those who ask, enough headaches to cause a riot, and a cure to fix all broken hearts
Who fears the thought of being alone, heights, and snakes
Who would like to see Drake up close and personal, the sites of Japan and my name under the New York Bestsellers List
Resident of Bronx, New York

Sapphire

Your the thought in my mind

2010-04-24T23:02:00.002-04:00

The General
Things have gone a little hay wire during the time that I haven't posted. Like for instance, my mom believes that I'm planning on running away. She's seriously said to me today: "Are you planning on go somewhere is that why your saving up your money?" Okay really now, I have like 3 dollars in my pocket right now. That's it. Where can I go with 3 dollars? Nowhere. And now my brother is going to take the Xbox from me because my friends keep talking to me and sending me messages on his account. Seriously not my fault. I use his account to play UNO. I didn't find out until recently that I can talk to my friends without using his account. Now he's talking about putting a code on my thing so that only he can get on. Good luck buddy. I already thought ahead of you long time ago. I can't do anything without them hogging me. Then my ma already has this stupid plan to have me sent away. What the fuck! I can't stand this family. I have no freedom at all. I only have 2 more years of this crap and then things will go on my terms.

The Regular Bull

Here is what I found out recently...Brandon moved away to Boston. He didn't even say good bye or anything. I had to find out through Stephy. I didn't get a call or a text or even an email. Like what the hell man! Guess he really didn't give a fuck about me at all then. But then again what else is new? After all the bad relationships I have been through did I expect that one to really go anywhere? Of course not. My sister and I were talking about it and she agrees with me that I have been taken for granted and hurt a lot. "You need someone who is going to take care of you. That's what you need," is what she said to me. I agree Sis I do. But what more can a girl do? Uh plus the situation I'm in that only you really know about that is getting worst and worst by the hours passing by.-_-
And the family Bull

I am excitied about one main thing of course. My "How to Kill an Emo Kid" got a really high grade in my college class. I was really happy because he (being my college teacher Dr. Koo) loved it. Now my family....not that happy of course. Well then again my family doesn't seem to care that much about anything like that because I guess they are use to it. After all, I am their "A- High Honor Roll daughter". My dad thinks its great but my mom....not so much. The only thing my mom said about me getting good grades (I got all A's on my last report card) was that she was going to team up with my Grandpa and my Dad to buy me a E-reader. Thing is..I want a iPod touch now. I really want one! There is so much I can do with that thing. Well I'm not sure if my mom is going to get me it. And my dad will agree with my mom, but my Grandpa...now that's a different story. My grandpa loves giving me money whether I ask him for it or not. All I have to do is send him my report card and talk to him. Knowing that I have never had a C so far on my report card this year....I can get anything from him at this point. Hell, Grandpa says I deserve it with all the hard work I do. Love you so much grandpa! My grandpa looks from my past and focuses on my present. He loves that I am doing better than most girls my age. And that's why I love my grandpa because he tells me "Good job baby girl, I'm so proud." Every time I talk to him. Now does my mom do that? Nope. So it kind of makes me think she doesn't really care. That's life I guess.
Thoughts About The Forbidden
He is always in my head
From morning to night
When I'm laying in my bed.
Things that I shouldn't want to
but yet I still do.
Soon I will hear from you.
At least that is what I am hoping.
Because your voice will put my heart at ease.
Your all I really want and need.Though I can't thee.
I still love thee with all my heart and soul.
And I know that you secretly love me too.
So I will be waiting fro your secret message
with your special little code.
And I shall wait till we have our moment together
in the world we all know
but yet in our own.

All Shapes And Forms

2010-04-18T13:17:00.000-04:00

My latest creation.

All Shapes and Forms

    As humans, we have grown far to busy and far to and far to full of our selves to walk anywhere because most of the places we need to be are far away and require a time limit to reach that certain place. Take school for instance. Children have to be there by at least 8 o'clock. And if they are late, then there sometimes consequences such as detention. But it was recently that I noticed that we weren't the only ones that need to get some where in a hurry.Once, I met this bird, pigeon to be correct, that takes the train with me everyday.
    At first, I found this to be very strange and yet I didn't think to much of it. Every morning I would get and sit on the far right seat of the platform in the seats provided, and at exactly 7:45, he would arrive walking up the stairs. His small head moving back and forth as he managed to jump up each flit of stairs. As soon as he made it up successfully, he would walk his way next to me and paste himself as he waited for the train. Everyone else would walk passed him and move one with their lives. Some would take a glance and then question it. It was pretty weird to see a bird taking a train. "Don't birds usually fly? Isn't that why they have wings?" This would be the general question normal people would ask in their minds. Since it seems that I'm be-on normal, I decided to ask the bird itself one day.

"Hey buddy, where could a bird be going that he couldn't fly there?" I asked.

The bird suddenly turned its head and then shocked me.
"Excuse me?" said a female voice.

I looked around and noticed that no one was around except for me and this bird.
"Did you just talk?" I asked the bird. The bird then flapped its wings and jumped up to the seat next to me.
"Yes I did. And I'll have you know I'm not a 'Buddy', I'm a female pigeon OK?" the bird said cocking it's head to the side. Normal people would had ran away screaming or declared they were crazy at this moment. But me, I stayed right there and apologized to the bird.
"Didn't mean to offend you...ma'am? But what are you doing taking a train anyway? Shouldn't you just fly to where you have to go?" I asked politely. The bird cocked it's head to the side to look for the train.
"Well I can't reach my job flying if it's underground by flying to it, now can I?" she replied. I look at her as if what she said had made actual sense.
" Where do you work if you don't mind me asking?" I said to her sitting up straight and staring right at her.
"I work at this newsstand at the 42ND station. I sell candy, newspapers and magazines. It's not the best job but it puts bread in my stomach." she replied.
    The train slowly arrived and opened it's doors for passengers. The bird and I boarded the train. I offered her a sit next to me and she gladly accepted. It was a window seat for two and I figured she would want to be closer to the window. I took the seat that was closer to the other 2 way doors.
" So", I asked," do you have a name?"
"It's Lia-Loni. Lia-Loni Folk."
I decided that her name was most uncommon for a bird. But then again Lia-Loni was a hard working talking pigeon. So her name should not be the main thing to be concern about.

"We're you always able to talk? Or are you some scientific experiment that broke loose?" I have no idea where that idea had come from. Maybe it was from the mindless hours in front of the T.V. that caused me to think of such a dumb question.
"Yes, actually. But it's really hard to actually communicate with people who run away when they hear an animal speak. And trust me dating isn't any easier as well." Lia-Loni sighed and put her head down. "Plus, at work, people don't really mind me at all. They just ask for what they want, pay and then move on. I don't think people even realize that it's my newsstand."
"I'm guessing you work with someone right?"
"Yes. This one guy is suppose to be my co-worker. Yet all he does is sleep. Some people think that he trained me to watch over the newsstand for him. I'm not a parrot thank you very much."
I found Lia-Loni to be very comical. Yet I also strangely felt bad for her. I reached my hand out and brushed her head with my index finger.
"HEY! What are you doing?" she yelled.
I stopped and lifted my finger. "I'm just confronting you if that's all right." She calmed down and if birds could smile, then she would have a small one. A warm sweet small one.
"Oh, sorry. I don't meet humans who actually care about me a lot. You can continue if you like." Lia-Loni said. I continued to stroke her small head. She coo-ed loudly as I stroked.
I realized I had missed my stop a long time ago. I didn't really feel like going to school anyway. I have no friends anyway. I liked hanging around Lia-Loni more than school anyway. We talked about so many things such as my life, school and types of food that we enjoyed. For a bird, she had so much to talk about. After a while we flirted back and forth with each other. Then out of complete dumb bravery, I asked Lia-Loni "Do you want me to walk you to work. I'm sure your feet are tired from walking back and forth all day."
She turned her head and looked at me. "Yes, yes I would like that very much. But don't you have school?" she asked me. I brushed school off like it was nothing.
"I rather spend my day with someone as interesting as you." I said. Lia-Loni hopped onto my shoulder as we walked off the train. Though people stared and gossiped about how they couldn't believe what they were seeing. Many old ladies nearly fainted and other teenagers like myself disapproved. I realized that I was now falling for Lia-Loni, but who's to say who you can and can't love anyway?

How to Kill an Emo Kid...

2010-04-17T16:49:00.001-04:00

Things have been going very strange now a days but hey that's life. I wrote this story for my college class and so far so many people like it. After reading it over, I find it semi-funny.

How to Kill An Emo Kid

First things first, there really is no need to sneak up on them
and stab them repeatedly. In fact, no physical damage is needed at
all. The most important thing to remember is he is already 90% close
to suicide anyway. You'll take your seat next to him after he has
invited you to join him by the nearest park or library available to
you. He will be wearing his usual uniform, tight jeans with chains
hanging by his hip with a graphic t-shirt of his favorite screamo
band. On his feet will be checkered vans or plain high tops sneakers
destroyed with plenty of dark and depressing poems on the side. His
hair will be in his face but he will comb it to the side while he
twists his snake bites. You try not to sigh as his look has gotten
very old and played out. Chose to instead to give a Mona-Lisa smile
and take your seat beside him. He won't look you dead in the eye just
yet because he is afraid of making you feel annoyed.

He says "Thanks for coming."

Glance up from staring at your nails and say "Yeah, whatever." Then
continue to look at your fingers as if you had just grown them.

He'll look at you and get the feeling that you don't want to be here.
That you wouldn't want to bothered with his problems. He will feel
like a burden to you. Don't discourage this feeling. Take control of
it and use it to your advantage. This is what will help you later in
this course. He sighs and begins his monologue about his "depressing
life" and "how no one understands him". Maintain from chuckling
because this is only the beginning.

He'll say: "Nobody loves me."
Say: "Maybe nobody should."

He will look at you with this strange glare. It is unusual for someone
to agree to what he has to say but this will be well needed for this
assignment. You maintain your facial expression as the day goes on.
Feeding him with sympathy will only make the emo kid live longer. You
must kill him with your own tainted kindness.

He'll then say:"Everyone I meet hates me."
Say: "Maybe your a jackass."

The tears will start then. He will cry enough tears to fill the Nile
River in Egypt. You begin to stand as prepare yourself to leave. You
dust off your clothes from the dirt left on the seat and make your way
to the exit. He grips your wrist and demands to know where your going.
The tough guy act isn't new to you. You've seen this before. You look
him dead in his eyes and say, "Home." You've noticed that he hasn't
let go by so you stand your ground.

"You don't care about me anymore. All you care about is yourself." He
will complain. "You rather watch be somewhere else then with your own
boyfriend wouldn't you?"
Look at him and say: "Frankly, I believe that your the one who cares
about nothing other than yourself. You talk more about your non-
existing problems more than anything else. I rather be with someone
who saw the world half full then half empty"

His tears will continue to fall now with anger. He wants you to care
about him, feel sorry for him and destroy yourself with him. He lets
you go and pulls out a razor. He places it near his neck closer then
he has before. This is just to scare you a little. You feel pressure
to stay but you know that this is the right thing to do.

" So I'm correct to say that no one loves me. You don't even listen to
what I have to say at all." He will say trying once last time to
convince you to stay bringing the blade closer and closer.
Turn back to him and say: "Listen, I have to go watch paint dry. It's
over." Then walk away. He will stand there as the razor has slipped
from his hands. Not knowing that it had indeed cut into his skin and
causing him to bleed continuously. He is too dumbfounded to notice
that pints and pints of blood is being spilled onto the floor. He will
just continue to stare at you as leave. You see it is not you at all
that kills the emo kid personally. It is the emo kid that kills
himself.


Hope you enjoyed it.

The Caged Bird in love...

2010-04-15T13:58:00.001-04:00

I can't tell you just how stupid I actually feel right now. Maybe if I try to explain it then maybe most of you will understand....

There was once a girl who loved all.
Who was chained to her past love by the end of their love's fall.
Her parents indeed thought this was a good choice.
"No other boy is allowed in your heart!" said her father's voice.
But her old love has found a new,
dragging her along as if on cue.
So she sits by his side as his happiness goes on.
And sings the caged bird unhappy little song.
"And so I say adieu,my dear sweet lover,
since you have found another,
best rest a sure, I am still here,
heartbroken, alone, and filled with sorrow till the day I cannot take in air."/Users/student/Desktop/chained_girl.jpg

If we never meet again...

2010-04-10T20:41:00.001-04:00

**this entry was long overdue due to the fact I couldn't find a video of the song**
My Date
I went on a date with Brandon yesterday. I was really happy that day. All I could think about was being with him and hanging out with him. I was walking with Stephy and as were walking closer to the train station, I noticed that he was right there looking t us. I wouldn't be surprised since we talk really loud. He was really cute just like his picture. And since I really don't own a picture of him so I can show you, I'll describe him to you. Brandon is really tall, well just imagine me and a midget on my shoulder. He's really chubby in the stomach but his legs aren't. He's like a big teddy bear basically. So anyway there he was wearing a brown hat that said "Big B" on the side with a brown hoddie, blue jeans and tan Timberlands. At first, Stephy didn't see him but I did and I waved at him. After being "introduced", we walked to the library to drop off our books. Walking there, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. It was really sweet. Brandon and Stephy were talking about how their lives in the future. Stephy was saving up for a place with her god-sister while Brandon wanted to get out of this state. I couldn't blame either of them. Living in New York really isn't that glamorous if you lived like us. Brandon also talked about getting a car (a sports car mostly white....I haven't a clue why) and told Stephy that she could ride with him if she had gas money. I, wouldn't have to pay at all. :) Getting to the library, I returned all of my "textbooks" and owe the library $6.00. I didn't have enough to pay for it and I didn't want to ask Brandon to pay for it so I smiled at the lady and said thank you as we left. We then headed back to Papa Johns where we got something to eat. I was expecting to pay but Brandon bought the food for us. I thought it was so cute. I hugged him and we kissed a bit there but not so much. Brandon was really playful with me. He joked around a lot and made laugh. It was really fun to date someone like my friends at school. Me and Brandon had went across the street to get juice for all of us and like Stephy dreamed, we came back smiling. We headed to the park and chilled there. Again he was really playful and really sweet. The only problem was my sister kept trying to get our attention but we were really wrapped up in each other. The only bad part about it was when we had to leave. I was really sad and depressed. I almost cried in front of him. I didn't want to leave his arms. I wanted to sit right there and wait for the next day to come. Eventually, I did get up and walked back to the train station. My sister was really happy to see us holding hands for some strange reason. I will not ask why cause there might be a long novel behind it.
Sitting in the train station after realizing that the day was over and I probably wasn't going to see him for a while made me feel horrible. After he left to his train I walked up and sat down and cried. I cried all the way home.

The Aftermath
So here I am listening to music, laying down in bed and what not thinking about when I am going to see him again.
I wake up and think about how much time there is between when I'm going to see him and when I was going to go insane. I have songs that play in my head constantly as the hours go by. Songs like "If we ever meet again", "OMG", etc. But they are not helping lol. That's life for you..that's life.

To my Second Cousin....

2010-04-05T18:33:00.001-04:00

I wish...

I wish I knew you but I don't...

I wish I remembered you but I don't.

Still knowing that you loved me

makes me feel like crap because I dont remember loving you...

Still even though your gone...

I will always love and miss you.

Houstatlantavegas

2010-04-05T16:56:00.000-04:00

I love the songs on my mp3 right about now. Especially the song "My Chick Bad" The song should/is my theme song. Everything in that song applies to me. Yes I'm being full of myself but I love that song. It's the shit! Of course that's not the only one but it's one of the top 5. Every guy that has dated me should assign that song as my ring tone for when I call. And if your one of them (and you know who you are...)go do it. Now! then come back and finish this.

The other top songs on my mp3 are the following:

Won't go Quietly-Example

Houstatlantavegas-Drake

Love King-Dream

Nothing on You-B.o.B

Fall for you type-Drake

I love these songs with a passion and I'm always singing them. No matter what I'm doing. And I wont stop until I find other stuff to sing.

Slow Jam Dreams (if you want to respond to this...please do)

I've been thinking of you lately.

Letting my thoughts run in and out of my head.

Wishing you were here with me

laying in my bed.

But I guess this slow jam will do

for the time that I can't be with you.

Hugging onto my pillow listening to Usher

Singing about how he can love no other.

That's how I feel about you,

and that's always going to be true.

Twisting and turning while listening to Estelle

pleaded for her lover to come over to her.

I wanting and needing you to be here with me.

But for now...that my love...can not be....

To mi amor...(private message)

2010-03-26T16:26:00.000-04:00

Lyrics from the heart...to you ♥

"Baby"

You know you love me,I know you care

Just shout whenever, And I'll be there

You want my love, You want my heart

And we will never ever ever be apart

Are we an item? Girl quit playing

Were just friends, What are you saying

Said theres another, Look right in my eyes

My first love broke my heart for the first time,

And I was like

Baby, baby, baby ohhh

Like baby, baby, baby noo

Like baby, baby, baby ohh

I thought youd always be mine mine

Baby, baby, baby ohh

Like baby, baby, baby noo

Like baby, baby, baby ohh

I thought youd always be mine,mine (oh oh)

For you, I would have done whatever

And I just can't believe, we ain't together

And I wanna play it cool, But I'm losin' you

I'll buy you anything, I'll buy you any ring

And im in pieces, Baby fix me

And just shake me til' you wake me from this bad dream

Im going down, down, down, dooown

And I just cant believe my first love would be around.

And I'm like

Baby, baby, baby ohh

Like baby, baby, baby noo

Like baby, baby, baby ohh

I thought youd always be mine, mine

Baby, baby, baby ohh
Like baby, baby, baby noo
Like baby, baby, baby ohhh
I thought youd always be mine, mine

Luda
When I was 13, I had my first love,
There was nobody that compared to my baby,
And nobody came between us or could ever come above
She had me goin' crazy,
Oh I was starstruck,
She woke me up daily,
Don't need no Starbucks.
She made my heart pound,
And skip a beat when I see her in the street and,
At school on the playground,
But I really wanna see her on the weekend,
She know she got me gazin',
Cuz she was so amazin',
And now my heart is breakin',
But I just keep on sayin'...

Baby, baby, baby ohh
Like baby, baby, baby noo
Like baby, baby, baby ohh
I thought youd always be mine, mine

Baby, baby, baby ohh
Like baby, baby, baby noo
Like baby, baby, baby ohh
I thought youd always be mine, mine

(I'm gone)
Yeah, yeah, yeah (6x)
(Now Im all gone, now im all gone, now im all gone)
Gone, gone, gone,(gone)
I'm gone.

"Do It"

You're standing at the door
I'm falling to the floor
You look even better than you did before
I'm staring at my feet
Wondering if I can do this
It's been a while but I couldn't forget you

[BRIDGE:]
Just a little look has got me feeling things
Just a little touch has got me seeing things
Just a little taste has got me off the chains
Doing things that I don't want to

[CHORUS:]
Do it like you do it to me (I'm burning up)
Do it like you do it to me (it's not enough)
Do it like you do it to me just open up
Don't you know how much I want you

We're sitting real close and I can feel your breath
I wanna touch your hand but I lay back
'cause you know this thing could spiral in the night
I've changed my mind I'm ready for you this time

[BRIDGE]
[CHORUS x2]

We're sitting real close I can feel your breath
I wanna touch your hand but I lay back
We're sitting real close I can feel your breath
I wanna touch your hand I cannot fight it off

"I'll Be Waiting"

He broke your heart
He took your soul
You're hurt inside
Because there's a hole
You need some time
To be alone
Then you will find
What you always know

I'm the one who really loves you baby
I've been knocking at your door

As long as I'm living, I'll be waiting
As long as I'm breathing, I'll be there
Whenever you call me, I'll be waiting
Whenever you need me, I'll be there

I've seen you cry
Into the night
I feel your pain
Can I make it right
I realized there's no end inside

Yet still I'll wait
For you to see the light

I'm the one who really loves you baby
I can't take it anymore

As long as I'm living, I'll be waiting
As long as I'm breathing, I'll be there
Whenever you call me, I'll be waiting
Whenever you need me, I'll be there

You are my only I've ever known
That makes me feel this way
Couldn't on my own
I want to be with you until we're old

You have the love you need right in front of you
Please come home

As long as I'm living, I'll be waiting
As long as I'm breathing, I'll be there
Whenever you call me, I'll be waiting
Whenever you need me, I'll be there

When I break, I break I BREAK!!

2010-03-20T18:17:00.001-04:00

This week has been hell for me. It surprises me just how fucked up people can be. I thought that certain people that I met would understand me and understand that all that glitters ain't gold but stupid me, I was so fucking wrong. But you know what...Screw it. Screw it all. I have so much more shit to deal with then you. I really do. I don't know what your problem is, but you really need to fix yourself. Cause once you cross the line with me, that's it. I'm gone. Ask anyone. In the word of Mariah Carey:

And no super glue can fix this sh**
When I break I break I break
Not even a welder and a builder could rebuild this sh**
When I break I break I break
Not even a nail technician with a whole lot of gel and acrylic
Can fix this when I break, I break
If we were two Lego blocks
Even the Harvard University graduating class of 2010
Couldn’t put us back together again

The funny thing about all this shit is that most people think I'm joking when I throw people out my life. Ask about what happened to Jovani when I tossed his ass after he used me and shit. The boy is gone. Deleted from my phone, deleted from my email, deleted from my life. So if that's where you want to be, then let me know.

In this life...

2010-03-13T18:51:00.003-05:00

Another poem I wrote for class...comment please

With the faint of her voice
she tends to dream
of a world unseen but it becomes
alive,
the feeling to inspire those who seem below.
He listens to the words she tends to say
in promise to keep her love.

But is their love still breathing?
Can she chose not to faint when she is bleeding passion through the cuts in her skin,
or are the scars a mere dream of hers so
she can blame those within?
The will to be alive.
Inspire the followers and give false hope.
With each truthful small voice tear she tries to say.

"Say what you will" he says with anger
as his old nature faints,
"the dream has faded into a dark Tim Burton nightmare."
she's slowly dying and yet he wants her to stay alive,
Cause she can love the un-loveable,
cause she can inspire the un-inspirable.

"Inspire me!" he yells,
"Speak up! Don't let you voice faint! Be heard!"
"But I rather dream" she whispers, "at least there,
it feels more alive, love,
at least there it feels like I don't have to say a thing..."

A dream, he thinks to himself, but what more can a dream do?
Can it stop her body from a faint?
Can it keep her alive as she falls into darkness?
Will it inspire her to live for the sake of it?
Will it tell her that it loves her? No,
cause no dream has anything to say.

She is his final dream within the next night which he loves his love.
Was it fate? Maybe, but nothing could had inspire her to stay, no not a single world he could say.
She needed to feel alive, as the old saying would go and faint into a new destiny.

The Tortoise and The Hare

2010-03-03T13:45:00.001-05:00

I had to do this college assignment to write a stupid blank verse poem that I have NO skills in what so ever. I'm not even sure if I did the damn thing right. Anyway the poem is about my brother and I racing. I was winning until, I hit a green pole, making him win. Go on anf laugh cause to me it pretty funny.

The Tortoise and The Hare
By: Cierra Patterson

Let the day stand still till I cannot breathe anymore
and take me away as the air rushes by me in true victory.
You cannot catch me for I am too quick, too fast
for any humans grasp.

I'm like the sand brushing through your fingers.
There are small obstacles,
but I still slip right through escaping from you,
using nothing but my natural human abilities.

The air is clear as it brushes my face
letting my eyes drift into silent havens of their own
The ground below my feet,
being paved by the dark marks of rubber with little slanted squares
like unwanted tattoos of the new born summer.

But like a sudden shock of cruel reality, the feeling of pain endures
The color of the green pole blurs into my vision
as awake to you standing ahead of me
with the smile like a catfish.
You are the tortoise.
and I,
the hare.

I really don't know why you love me...

2010-02-27T19:17:00.000-05:00

I can't believe just how many songs make me feel hyper and make me dance in my house which is funny to me at times...The song I love right now...Rude Boy by Rihanna. I love the song so damn much right now.The song is so sexy and I'm glad Rihanna went back to her roots. See for yourself...

Here's the weird thing about guys. They are very weird creatures but they love the same...at least the sane ones do. Unknown and Darkness had no idea who each other was, but after a couple of texts back and forth, things seemed to make more sense. The funny thing about it is, the are jealous of each other but I haven't the slightest idea why.Each are two different people born in the same month, in the same year but are two different horoscope signs.

Let me explain....

Unknown/Riku/whatever you wanna call him

Age:N/A

D.O.B: Feburary 1,1993

Horoscope sign: Aquarius

Personality: Laid back, cocky at times, and somewhat a sweet heart if you can get to know him.

Best representive...

Darkness:

Age: 17

D.O.B: Feburary 25,1993

Horoscope sign: Piescs

Personality: Very emotional, modest and and is overall a gentle men.

Best representive.....

These boys share very little in common except for one thing...

They love me...

and will damage themselves mentally and physically for me...

which I appericate very much...

This is for you boys:

Unlike Samuari Champloo,...these guys don't wanna kill each other...AND THIS WOULDN'T HAPPEN!!

The Playlist of Past Productions...

2010-02-25T16:17:00.000-05:00

Today is Darkness's 17th birthday. Happy birthday sweet heart! I hope that today you do have a great day and that you make as special as you want to make it.

The Play List

I haven't the slightest idea why but I really love this song Prototype by Andree 3000 all of a sudden. And that's not the only one. I have this play list in my head that has suddenly formed out of no where. Well, that's a lie because I remember most of these songs for certain reasons. Like the main reason being...the famous Mr.Unknown. Which is really funny to me since I have recently started talking to him again. The only person that should remember these songs, is him and him only.

The first song is...For The Love Of You by Isley Brothers aka the first song I gave him...

The next song is...One thing by Amerie....this song was from the movie HITCH, which is I believe one of Unknown favorites...

The next song is....Make Me Better by Fabolous and Ne-yo, this was one of the first songs he gave to me...

I really love this song for some reason.. and that song is Prototype...Think you can figure it out? Comment about that...

This last song...is actually the MOST remember-able song for both of us. Why? Cause this song is one of the two that actually surprised me when he gave it to me...

The last song....is my favorite song... It's Eye to Eye by Tevin Campbell from the Goofy movie...if you noticed, the other one was by him too and from that movie as well. Everyone should know this song....but Unknown and I know it...personally...

This playlist always makes me smile and laugh and be filled with love...cause I know the person who helped make this playlist put his heart into each song. Thank you very much. Speaking of which, I haven't had a comment from him in a while... I wonder if he still reads this...?

Dear Unknown,

2010-02-23T17:17:00.004-05:00

I looked up each of these songs for you because they were they last songs I listened to after last night....each one reminded me of you and/or a memory we had shared together...

Issy's Dream...

2010-02-20T16:52:00.007-05:00

Issy:I hope you get this...my dream was about us...you were talking to me about something and you started...crying. I took hold of your face and whispered everything will be okay and you hugged me tightly...crying in one shoulder. you looked up at me and I wiped a tear from your eye and said don't worry I'm here now... and you asked me...to kiss you...after we were done I had a time lapse and next thing I knew I was wiping a tear from your eye but...it was our...wedding...

This had made me cry when I received this afternoon. I couldn't help but feel so bad for him. We had been through a lot together and to be honest, if I could change anything that happened between us....I'd do it all again. If your reading this Issy(which chances are u are) Then i want you to know that I am very sorry for all the pain I had caused you and I want you to know that I will always keep you in my heart. You mean a lot to me and hopefully you will find real happiness whether it's with me or without me. I will always love you.
-N3bu!@ S@pph!43

All you have to do is say yes...

2010-02-19T17:11:00.003-05:00

So this week has been really hectic for a bunch of reasons...
Reasons that are:

I had a argument with Darkness over stupid bull crap that really shouldn't have mattered but it did, and it made me cry the entire time we argued...
I really want to talk to Riku more because his advice really does give me a sense of relaxation but I can't call him and he's never really online.
I have this weird feeling that something bad is going to happen but I'm not when but I do know it has something to do with the following people: Darkness, Manny, Stephy and Me...
I have a craving for fruit and chocolate.

I really hate crying but I also hate letting Darkness hear me cry so I tried not to yesterday, even though our argument was over. I layed down in my bed that night and had a dream bout making it up to him....
The Make-Up Dream
Music: Say Yes by Floetry

Location: My living room
Time: around...5 or 6
Darkness was sitting on the couch next to me not saying a word. I stare into his face after having an weird moment of silence. I had began to feel a rush of my love for him as he just sat there. My mom and my brother, both not home due to other things that they had planned and in trusted us to talk. The music slowly comes on as our eyes meet. I touched his face feeling the slight smoothness of his skin. He had shaved before he had gotten here, which is a turn-on. I lean in to kiss him slowly and gently letting my lips barely hit his but still there is a touch. We move in closer letting our heavy breathing intertwine. I slowly rise so that I'm sitting in in his lap. My hands wrapped around his neck. His arms wrapped around my waist. I let my kisses trail down to his neck creating a road with my tongue. He lays his head on my shoulder and allows me to continue. I began to kiss his neck all over while lifting up his shirt from behind. I let my finger tips trace his spine which causes him to moan in pleasure. I remove his shirt while still kissing his lips. He removes mines as well. He begins to kiss my neck and bites it. I tilt my head letting his lips taste the edge of my skin. I bring his lips back to mine because I know what he thinks this is going. he begins to say words but I silence him with a kiss. The make out process begins again as he reaches to remove more. I let him. He brings me closer towards him. I scratch at his skin which awakens every skin cell there. He pulls his head back allowing me more access. I bite his neck. The sounds of pleasure releases from him. Then before I even notice it, his skin is touching mine...But we aren't letting our desire take us to a sinfully wonder. We aren't on the couch anymore. I notice that the room has changed. For it is mines. And the room is slightly darker than before. The floor was a soft mattress and the ceiling was green. We were laying in my bed. Just laying there. Tracing each others skin. His deep brown eyes staring into mine. Just holding each other, drifting into a world we created on our own.

I want no one but you....

2010-02-16T17:01:00.003-05:00

Ever had one of those days when you just need attention from a special person but that kind of can't be with you at that moment of time. You feel really lonely and you know you have other people who could help you out, but you don't want them. You want that special person?

Well since my Valentines Day kept getting interrupted a lot, I have this need to be with my boyfriend. Like all I want to do is be with him and nobody else. No offense but I love talking to my sister and I love hanging out with everyone else but I really want my boyfriend. I want to be held, kissed, and loved by him. The only thing is, he's a little busy. Sometimes he's babysitting, sometimes it's his game and sometimes it's other random people and their issues. I'm not trying to sound selfish but I get so lonely....

And my sister wasn't helping when we were talking before. Every time she mentioned about Manuel, I thought of Darkness and how I wanted him badly. So she let me call him but he was busy. I'm not sure if he heard me or not but I was whining over the phone "Baby I need you, I want you..." but I guess since he was using his house phone, he couldn't hear me.

Maybe Janet could say how I feel much better than I can...

♥Valentines Day♥

2010-02-12T19:33:00.003-05:00

To all my friends and love ones who are/aren't having or going to have a great Valentines Day, this is for you!

For Star:

For Manny:
(who'll never see this..)

To CJ:
(I thought it was really cute....nothing personal)

To Riku/Issy:

and the best for last....
Darkness:

Happy Valentines Day to EVERYONE!!!

Love that Can't Die

2010-02-10T22:13:00.004-05:00

Confessions Of A Female Scorpio Teenager Part 3

2010-02-05T17:50:00.003-05:00

About the other Scorpio girl...
Silly me. You know I almost thought that nothing would really get to me now after we did what we did did, then we would actually survive and destroy this "organization" that seems to be after our happiness together....but then again..I can be wrong. Our darkness grows and I guess it's proven to be growing stronger. They recruit more people and they break us down with their tricks and lies and everything that can corrupt the mind. I just really thought....we had finally escaped.

On a lighter note....

There have been some songs that I have recently feel in love with...mainly because they make me think of someone very close to my heart, and well because they are really good songs. Such as these:

Tokyo Nights by Utada

Alive by P.O.D

ROCK U! by Ravex ft. Namie Amuro

About My Project

I'm currently working on something really special for Darkness and I'm happy to say that it is coming out really well in fact. Hopefully I get to hang out with him on Valentines Day. I use to hate but now, I'm starting to see real progress. I want to celebrate it. I really do. I'm just hoping that we escape the darkness long to.

Oh....,

MAJOR SHOCK!!!
Starting this Monday, I'm taking college classes since I got a 90 on my English regents. And starting this Wednesday, I'm going to be switching my Earth Science class with Living Environment! Yea I really didn't see any of that coming...this week has been amazingly shocking.

Newest Pic For the Mind

Just for U!!! ♥

2010-01-31T17:14:00.003-05:00

"With every kiss and every hug, I wish that we will stay in love."
Remind you of something??? Lol

YAY Cici-chan is safe in my angel's arms

Nami Gitu ♥ Niro

I'm NOT your toy.....

2010-01-31T14:57:00.003-05:00

There was nothing really to say about what happened yesterday because the people who I would have told...Already know. But to those who are very curious about the evening I had...watch these videos. You'll get a clear image.

"A wolf in sheep's clothing is still a wolf."

Funny And Cute Lucky Star Moments

2010-01-27T20:59:00.002-05:00

Chronicles of the 16 single female...aka why I hate waking up now...

2010-01-26T17:10:00.003-05:00

So I'm kinda still grounded which kind of sucks. Not only that but I have been single for like 2 weeks and NO ONE has even offered to at least try to get with me. No one. Which kinda makes me feel like shit.

My crush is not helping either. Which is again new to me seeming how I haven't had a crush in over....3 years. And not only that but my crush is 1 year younger than me and a year behind me. But to me, he's a cool guy. Like the things I do and is a great punching bag since nothing really hurts him. And trust me, I'm a very strong chick. But then again whatever. So he knows that I like him but I'm still not quite sure if he likes me or not. Then again....never mind.

Days are going by so slowly and each day I wake and see the sky of my ceiling I began to wonder what is to become of me now that I have not much to do. What happens after regents? What happens when Valentines Day pops up? Will I still be this way? Dreams of him holding me. Dreams and visions of someone loving me the way I want to be. But then again they are just visions my mind play over and over.

The feeling of not really being wanted kinda pickers the soul....doesn't it.

Videos of the Weeks:

Who is Daria? shock

2010-01-25T15:04:00.002-05:00

Daria was an American animated television series that ran on the cable network MTV from 1997 to 2002. Created by Glenn Eichler and Susie Lewis Lynn, the series about a smart, acerbic, and somewhat misanthropic high school girl was a spin-off of MTV's animated Beavis and Butt-head (1993-1997).
The series was widely praised for versatile storytelling and for well-drawn characters, took many satirical jabs at high-school life, and was full of allusions to and criticisms of popular culture, especially then-current pop music.

Daria Morgendorffer's first appearances were as an occasional character in Beavis and Butt-head, that featured two comically ignorant and vulgar teenage boys. MTV senior vice president and creative director Abby Terkuhle explained that when that show "became successful, we ... created Daria's character because we wanted a smart female who could serve as the foil."[1] During the final season of Beavis and Butt-head, MTV representatives approached story editor Glenn Eichler, offering a spin-off series for Daria. A five-minute pilot, "Sealed with a Kick", was created by Eichler and Beavis and Butt-head staffer Susie Lewis. MTV gave a greenlight for a series order of 13 episodes. Eichler and Lewis became executive producers.[2]
The first episode of Daria aired on March 3, 1997 (about nine months before Beavis and Butt-head ended its original run). Titled "Esteemsters", it featured Daria and her previously unseen family members settling into their new hometown of Lawndale (having moved from Highland, the setting for Beavis and Butt-head). Now given center stage, Daria's caustic and sardonic personality became stronger.
The series ran for five seasons, with 13 episodes each, and two TV movies were also produced. The first movie, Is It Fall Yet?, aired in 2000. MTV planned a six-episode sixth season, but at Eichler's request this project was cut down to a second movie, Is It College Yet?, which served as the series finale in January 2002.

Daria Morgendorffer is the show's eponymous protagonist, who appears in most scenes. Her immediate family and best friend Jane Lane all appear in nearly every episode. There are a number of secondary characters that round out the regular cast.

Daria Morgendorffer
Main article: Daria Morgendorffer
(First appearance: Episode #101, "Esteemsters")
The titular character of the series, Daria is present in every episode and central to almost every plot. Abrasive and sardonic to a terminal degree, Daria's intellectuality and academic insight is often counterbalanced by her pronounced lack of motivation. Although Daria has been involved in school activities and social events, it usually takes bribery from her parents, threats upon her grades by Principal Li, or cajoling by Jane Lane to enlist her participation. Her trademark characteristic is that she rarely changes her facial expression or the tone of her voice, except for a small satisfied smile akin to the Mona Lisa's when she is pleased. Bemused by the world around her, Daria usually reacts to the stupidity of her classmates, faculty and family with a caustic remark, and only lets her emotions show in times of deep frustration. In her spare time, Daria likes to write, but she is often reluctant to make her work public. Daria is voiced by Tracy Grandstaff (although it was once rumored that she was voiced by Janeane Garofalo).

That is who Daria is.....

It will all get better in time...

2010-01-09T17:15:00.003-05:00

No one can really tell when a relationship will end but we all can tell whether or not that relationship was right for them in the first place. And yes it happened again but this time..there is no coming back. I need to learn what's it like to live without the fear of guilt. The fear of not being able to breathe without hearing his voice. I'm learning to know that it's OK to let go when it hurts to hold on. I'm never going to forget about what we had together because he's still my best friend and I love him. Same as always. But like my aunt said "He let you slip away and know he has to live with he fact that. You're a great girlfriend and you'll be okay." Thanks auntie. I think I'll get through this with my friends and what not. I always learn to smile even in the worst situations.

If I was ever given a chance to go back in time and delete our relationship memory, I won't I'd do it all again, just as I did before...

You'll always be my best friend and I will always love you no matter what.
I invested too much in you to let you leave my life without leaving a copyright on you.
That heart is 5o% mines mister!
No one can fix that thing but me...
And I'll be glad to fix it anytime you wish.
I ♥ you Darkness.

For Darkness...

2010-01-07T19:22:00.003-05:00

That's the thing about love and romance—
no one can predict where it will take you.
Love will fill your heart, break your heart and then heal the heart that's broken.

~ Robert Fulghum

The One, The Only...

2010-01-01T17:18:00.002-05:00

LADY GAGA
Biography
When Lady Gaga was a little girl, she would sing along on her mini plastic tape recorder to Michael Jackson and Cyndi Lauper hits and get twirled in the air in daddy’s arms to the sounds of the Rolling Stones and the Beatles. The precocious child would dance around the table at fancy Upper West Side restaurants using the breadsticks as a baton. And, she would innocently greet a new babysitter in nothing but her birthday suit.

It’s no wonder that little girl from a good Italian New York family, turned into the exhibitionist, multi-talented singer-songwriter with a flair for theatrics that she is today: Lady Gaga.

“I was always an entertainer. I was a ham as a little girl and I’m a ham today,” says Lady Gaga, 23, who made a name for herself on the Lower East Side club scene with the infectious dance-pop party song “Beautiful Dirty Rich,” and wild, theatrical, and often tongue-in-cheek “shock art” performances where Gaga – who designs and makes many of her stage outfits -- would strip down to her hand-crafted hot pants and bikini top, light cans of hairspray on fire, and strike a pose as a disco ball lowered from the ceiling to the orchestral sounds of A Clockwork Orange.

“I always loved rock and pop and theater. When I discovered Queen and David Bowie is when it really came together for me and I realized I could do all three,” says Gaga, who nicked her name from Queen’s song “Radio Gaga” and who cites rock star girlfriends, Peggy Bundy, and Donatella Versace as her fashion icons. “I look at those artists as icons in art. It’s not just about the music. It’s about the performance, the attitude, the look; it’s everything. And, that is where I live as an artist and that is what I want to accomplish.”

That goal might seem lofty, but consider the artist: Gaga is the girl who at age 4 learned piano by ear. By age 13, she had written her first piano ballad. At 14, she played open mike nights at clubs such as New York’s the Bitter End by night and was teased for her quirky, eccentric style by her Convent of the Sacred Heart School (the Manhattan private school Nicky and Paris Hilton attended) classmates by day. At age 17, she became was one of 20 kids in the world to get early admission to Tisch School of the Arts at NYU. Signed by her 20^th birthday and writing songs for other artists (such as the Pussycat Dolls, and has been asked to write for a series of Interscope artists) before her debut album was even released, Lady Gaga has earned the right to reach for the sky.

“My goal as an artist is to funnel a pop record to a world in a very interesting way,” says Gaga, who wrote all of her lyrics, all of her melodies, and played most of the synth work on her album, The Fame (Streamline/KonLive/Cherrytree/Interscope). “I almost want to trick people into hanging with something that is really cool with a pop song. It’s almost like the spoonful of sugar and I’m the medicine.”

On The Fame, it’s as if Gaga took two parts dance-pop, one part electro-pop, and one part rock with a splash of disco and burlesque and generously poured it into the figurative martini glasses of the world in an effort to get everyone drunk with her Fame. “The Fame is about how anyone can feel famous,” she explains. “Pop culture is art. It doesn’t make you cool to hate pop culture, so I embraced it and you hear it all over The Fame. But, it’s a sharable fame. I want to invite you all to the party. I want people to feel a part of this lifestyle.”

The CD’s opener and first single, “Just Dance,” gets the dance floor rocking with it’s “fun, L.A., celebratory vibe.” As for the equally catchy, “Boys Boys Boys,” Gaga doesn’t mind wearing her influences on her sleeve. “I wanted to write the female version of Motley Crue’s ‘Girls Girls Girls,’ but with my own twist. I wanted to write a pop song that rockers would like.”

“Beautiful Dirty Rich” sums up her time of self-discovery, living in the Lower East Side and dabbling in drugs and the party scene. “That time, and that song, was just me trying to figure things out,” says Gaga. “Once I grabbed the reigns of my artistry, I fell in love with that more than I did with the party life.” On first listen, “Paparazzi” might come off as a love song to cameras, and in all honestly, Gaga jokes “on one level it IS about wooing the paparazzi and wanting fame. But, it’s not to be taken completely seriously. It’s about everyone’s obsession with that idea. But, it’s also about wanting a guy to love you and the struggle of whether you can have success or love or both.”

Gaga shows her passion for love songs on such softer tracks as the Queen-influenced “Brown Eyes” and the sweet kiss-off break-up song “Nothing I can Say (eh eh).” “‘Brown Eyes’ is the most vulnerable song on the album,” she explains. “‘Eh Eh’ is my simple pop song about finding someone new and breaking up with the old boyfriend.”

For the new tour for this album, fans will be treated to a more polished version of what they saw (and loved) at her critically acclaimed Lollapalooza show in August 2007 and Winter Music Conference performance in March 2008. “This new show is the couture version of my handmade downtown performance of the past few years. It’s more fine-tuned, but some of my favorite elements to my past shows – the disco balls, hot pants, sequin, and stilettos – will still be there. Just more fierce and more of a conceptual show with a vision for pop performance art.”

It’s been a while since a new pop artist has made her way in the music industry the old-fashioned/grass roots way by paying her dues with seedy club gigs and self-promotion. This is one rising pop star who hasn’t been plucked from a model casting call, born into a famous family, won a reality TV singing contest, or emerged from a teen cable TV sitcom. “I did this the way you are supposed to. I played every club in New York City and I bombed in every club and then killed it in every club and I found myself as an artist. I learned how to survive as an artist, get real, and how to fail and then figure out who I was as singer and performer. And, I worked hard.”

Gaga adds with a wink in her eye, “And, now, I’m just trying to change the world one sequin at a time.”

Photos

Music
"Teeth"

"So Happy I Could Die"

"Dance In the Dark"

"Alejandro"

"Speechless"

"Monster"

"Telephone ft. Beyonce"

Tainted Love Lane

MOVING!!

Japan Day ;)

WTF?

60 Second Confession

Sh*t My Friends Say

Be Honest Baby

Don't Let Them (heart song chronicles)

I Get Lonely Too

Happy Anniversary

Updates on my life

Janet Jackson ft. Missy Elliott - Son Of A Gun

Fefe Dobson - Ghost

Lily Allen - Smile [Lyrics]

Missy Elliott - Teary eyed

Three Days Grace - Pain

Three Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You

私はあなたがとてもを利用しています

Answers to Your Questions

What Women Really Want

Ask Away, Honest Play

Mint Condition - If You Love Me

Been Thinking About You

Marvin Gaye - I Want You

I Hope This Message Finds You Well...

Happy Birthday Darkness/Grandma

The Hula Song

Never Forget You

First Love All Over Again

HOTSTREETS She's A Sleep Machine- Special Dedication

Panic! At The Disco: The Ballad Of Mona Lisa [OFFICIAL VIDEO]

Trying to Calm Myself By Singing To You

Release....

*walks in Prince Charming*

Random Blog Entry for a Decent Friday

Happy Birthday Isaiah

Secret Santa Gift And Love Poem

Some Of My Favorite Poems

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone

-W. H. Auden

Random Thoughts And Rants

Gernade By Bruno Mars

Learning How To Love...

doubt

My Favorite Otaku Pictures

Can We Get It Together....

Getting Old is Never Any Fun

Birthday Results And Christmas Thinking

Why I Love Isaiah SO Much...

How To Lock and Chain Away A Heart: Darkness's Lullaby

Morning for My Phone

I'm Still Smiling =)

Life According to Nebula

He hates me

Only N3bu!@ In the World

First Days are Always Full of Surprises

My Birthday List Of Demands

Smiling Through Your Agony...Proudly

Dealing and Dewling

Adore Love And Empower

Shut It Down - Drake/The Dream (4 Isaiah)

Dear Unknown....

Day 4....Slow day

Starting Out in the World...Day 3

journalism....

For the One's I cant live without...

I missed you guys...

Your the thought in my mind

All Shapes And Forms

How to Kill an Emo Kid...

The Caged Bird in love...

If we never meet again...

To my Second Cousin....

Houstatlantavegas

To mi amor...(private message)

"I'll Be Waiting"

When I break, I break I BREAK!!

In this life...

The Tortoise and The Hare

I really don't know why you love me...

walks in Prince Charming

Who is Daria? shock